Knife-throwing Monkey Protects Home from Intruder

Malcolm the monkey is a product of Ninjapet Defenders Inc (NDI), which provides the latest concept in home security.

NDI supplies pets highly trained in various martial skills so as to present a deadly but at the same time cute and cuddly added security for your home, especially in fighting off and/or mutilating and/or killing unwelcome intruders such as burglars, bailiffs and so forth.

A case in point is Malcolm, a monkey highly trained in the skills of knife-throwing, who last Monday dismembered a burglar who had broken into a home in Manhattan armed only with a set of Indonesian antique throwing knives (the monkey that is, not the burglar) and is now being hailed a hero.

Ninjapets can provide a comprehensive range of trained pets or, if you prefer, train your existing pet (except goldfish) into becoming deadly killing machines in only three weeks of full-time training.

Such pets include:

  • Roger the Tortoise who is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do 
  • Priscilla the Yorkshire terrier who can strip down and reassemble a TAR-21 assault rifle in under thirty seconds. 
  • Spike the Hamster who is highly skilled in the use of hand grenades (hand grenades not supplied). 
Ninjapets meanwhile are working on further refinements and top-of-the-range super-pets such as Clive the fruit bat who will not only take out an intruder with poison-tipped darts but then proceed to hunt down and eliminate his entire family,

Related News:
Missing Minnesota paperboy David Weaver is still . . . er, missing, three weeks after last being seen being chased through the streets of Minneapolis by a machete-wielding terrapin . . .

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