Assad and Chemical Weapons - the Truth! (And We're not Even Lying This Time)

The intelligence agencies have just unearthed this secret recording of a conversation between Bashar Assad and some of his military advisers. 

A spokesman for the British government’s Ministry of Truth, Jonathan Fibbs, said: “This recording has been authenticated by government experts who cannot be named for security reasons as one hundred percent genuine. It was sent to us by a source who cannot be named for . . . er, security reasons but which, hand on heart, we can assure you is one hundred percent genuine and not at all fake and we are not even lying this time. The voice on the tape has been authenticated as being that of Bashar Assad, even though it does not sound like him and has a Kurdish accent but this is because Assad had a cold at the time the recording was secretly . . . er, recorded.”