Scientific Breakthrough Enables Cats to Vocalise Their Thoughts

No-one Will Ever Regret It, Experts Predict

Scientists have developed a device that enables cats' owners to know what they are thinking.
The small electronic instrument the size of a pea (and thus roughly the same size as the cat's brain\) was developed by technicians at Futile Gizmos Inc, in Pointless Nebraska. It attaches unobtrusively to the cat's collar or alternatively can be stapled to its head so that its three hundred terabyte processor can convert the minute electronic impulses of the cat's brain into speech through a tiny electronic vocoder.

2020 Tokyo Olympics to feature Wet T-shirts after Whack-a-Mole Breakthrough

Following a ten-year campaign by devotees for the sport's recognition, the IOC have finally agreed to make the Wet T-shirt Contest an Olympic event.

The announcement was greeted with jubilation by fans of the sport the world over. Many believe that they have to thank for this forward step a relaxing of the criteria for entry into the Olympics that saw another popular sport finally granted Olympic status six months ago.