tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81008261392275668142024-03-13T19:55:45.719-07:00The Daily ScareIncorporating the Armageddon MonitorSteve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comBlogger197125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-61871778942857344362023-12-30T16:32:00.000-08:002023-12-30T16:32:10.214-08:00Government announces ban on speaking Welsh to halt the spread of media-borne infection<p><b> by<a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjNuLXJqucUXvapht5Xp6_59VjIr_8D4DNML8asIuAALEaG_9NIpQLzHqkQGxjkIaXQOeG96T35rW3MOlgNVKMBWTKXLpU5_r04k81TobP4qJ8A-V5umd-ECuh4_SZgH81PmoaXKUu9gGDxLdsoQvDf3MoEaWDi_CrMZA3xLgcnaHtJCc2ZnsotbN5h" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="864" data-original-width="1536" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjNuLXJqucUXvapht5Xp6_59VjIr_8D4DNML8asIuAALEaG_9NIpQLzHqkQGxjkIaXQOeG96T35rW3MOlgNVKMBWTKXLpU5_r04k81TobP4qJ8A-V5umd-ECuh4_SZgH81PmoaXKUu9gGDxLdsoQvDf3MoEaWDi_CrMZA3xLgcnaHtJCc2ZnsotbN5h=w379-h213" width="379" /></a></div><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333f49; font-family: times; font-size: 15.4px;">A spokesperson for the Ministry of Hysteria, Jane Fibbs, this morning announced to a hushed and cynical press gathering in which dozens of top journalists pretended to listen, the following measures designed to halt the spread of Covid19 infection and other media-borne diseases.<span><a name='more'></a></span></span><p></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-family: "Times New Roman", Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15.4px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></p><blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15.4px;"><span style="font-family: times;">The government will today put in place emergency laws that are actually merely guidelines with the force of law except that they cannot be enforced. These guidelines will from tomorrow morning ban the speaking in public (or private) of languages that involve the use of a lot of phlegm and spitting such as in the Welsh sounds for LL and CH (see pronunciation guide<a href="https://cyclingwales.co.uk/welsh.html" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="border: 0px; color: #00aae1; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"> here</a>). Such languages include, for example, Welsh and . . . er, Welsh.</span></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15.4px;"></p><div class="input-full-height-wrapper tlid-input-full-height-wrapper" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-family: "Times New Roman", Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15.4px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="source-input" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="source-footer-wrap source-or-target-footer" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="character-count tlid-character-count" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="cc-ctr normal" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">She explained further that Welsh sign language is all right as long as not accompanied by spitting.</span></div><div class="cc-ctr normal" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="cc-ctr normal" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Many Welsh place names will be subject to a temporary ban in favour of their English translation, such as the following,</span></div><div class="cc-ctr normal" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="source-footer" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="speech-wrap source-or-target-footer-button left-positioned" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><ul style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; list-style: square; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 2.5rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><li aria-disabled="true" aria-label="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" aria-pressed="false" class="speech-button goog-toolbar-button goog-toolbar-button-disabled" data-tooltip-align="t,c" data-tooltip="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" id="gt-speech" role="button" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch</strong> will henceforth be referred to as,<span style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong>“The Church of St. Mary in the Hollow of the White Hazel Near the Fierce Whirlpool and the Church of Tysilio by the Red Cave”.</span></span></li><li aria-disabled="true" aria-label="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" aria-pressed="false" class="speech-button goog-toolbar-button goog-toolbar-button-disabled" data-tooltip-align="t,c" data-tooltip="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" role="button" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Llanelli</strong> will be called “Saint Elli’s”</span></li><li aria-disabled="true" aria-label="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" aria-pressed="false" class="speech-button goog-toolbar-button goog-toolbar-button-disabled" data-tooltip-align="t,c" data-tooltip="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" role="button" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Pwllheli</strong> must now be referred to as Salt Water Basin.</span></li><li aria-disabled="true" aria-label="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" aria-pressed="false" class="speech-button goog-toolbar-button goog-toolbar-button-disabled" data-tooltip-align="t,c" data-tooltip="Choose a specific language to enable voice input" role="button" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Llanfairfechan</b> is now called, ”Little St Mary’s Parish”.</span></li></ul></div></div></div></div></div><div class="tlid-results-container results-container" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-family: "Times New Roman", Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15.4px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="tlid-result result-dict-wrapper" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="result tlid-copy-target" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="jfk-button-img" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><p lang="en" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">It is believed that as well as saving millions of lives, the changes may in fact help English holidaymakers when asking for directions.</span></p><p lang="en" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Moreover, some phrases that are particularly harmful when uttered in Welsh will henceforth be declared illegal with stiff fines for anyone caught uttering them.</span></p><p lang="en" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Outlawed phrases include,</span></p><ul style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; list-style: square; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 2.5rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><li lang="en" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“A allwch fy helpu, mae’n ymddangos fy mod yn cael trafferth gyda fy llywodraeth.” </strong> (Can you help me? I seem to be having trouble with my government.)</span></li><li lang="en" style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Rwy’n credu bod gen i’r diease newydd hwnnw rydw i wedi’i weld yn cael ei hysbysebu.”</strong> (I think I’ve got that new disease I’ve seen advertised.)</span></li></ul><p style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">and</span></p><p style="border: 0px; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-optical-sizing: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-variation-settings: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Os gwelwch yn dda sefyll ymhell yn ôl i bellter diogel, rwy’n dueddol o dagu.”</strong> (Please stand well back to a safe distance, I am inclined to stutter.")</span></p></div></div></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-87799589988064224802023-12-21T04:37:00.000-08:002023-12-21T04:45:34.446-08:00Vaccines haven't killed anybody important, the nation rejoices!<br /><b>by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com">Steve Cook</a></b><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIEttrdEIJWZH9LRa74EmQ1u3KO9dptB4q-bEmPLxwggVAgtgeLNhfDsvG7IWH2BbRAgIE-H1G0eU2U10b_VxsphkyQbv5w2pwyfTIK-o1bZUoYVVH24XGatzjaUGQ8sMTfJTo9psp7nur6WdJ994olGb80MDxo5x83NPhudFmq0ZQRwegK0ZM9UqH/s4569/Looking%20forward%20to%20being%20famous%20after%20I'm%20dead%20(3).png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="4569" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIEttrdEIJWZH9LRa74EmQ1u3KO9dptB4q-bEmPLxwggVAgtgeLNhfDsvG7IWH2BbRAgIE-H1G0eU2U10b_VxsphkyQbv5w2pwyfTIK-o1bZUoYVVH24XGatzjaUGQ8sMTfJTo9psp7nur6WdJ994olGb80MDxo5x83NPhudFmq0ZQRwegK0ZM9UqH/s320/Looking%20forward%20to%20being%20famous%20after%20I'm%20dead%20(3).png" width="320" /></a></div><b><br /></b>The government, its pharmaceutical industry overlords and similar eugenics cartels are today breathing a sigh of relief at the news that Covid vaccines have not killed anybody important.</div><div><br />Latest top-secret research, due to be released some time after the end of the century, is reported to show that whilst vaccinated plebs are dropping like flies in vast numbers, elite sectors of society such as billionaires, politicians, warmongers, journalists, members of elite clubs such as Save The Aged Oligarch and Friends of Jeffrey Epstein and similar Top People have for mysterious reasons that have baffled officialdom, been spared the carnage.<span><a name='more'></a></span><br />The UK Parliament is a good example of this phenomenon, with MPs and ministers statistically notprone to the astronomical excess deaths that have beset the rest of the country. This ability of our beloved politicians, ministers and bureaucrats to cheat death has spurred national rejoicing. <br /><br />The most likely explanation for Top People being spared the heart attacks, turbo cancers and the full spectrum of benefits of vaccination is said by completely honest and trustworthy government scientists to be mainly coincidence.<br /><br />The coincidence is statistically so pronounced that it is almost as if Top People were accidentally given a saline solution instead of the vaccine or even nothing at all. This of course is a nonsense that has the nation's elite laughing their heads off because Top People were keen from the outset to join in the fun of being playfully injected with Big Pharma's mystery chemicals proven completely safe in thousands of scientific press releases after minutes or even hours of safety testing. Many were in fact filmed or photographed being injected with something so as to encourage the riffraff, plebs, hoipoloi, voters and other useless eaters to step up and get injected.<br /><br />Scientists reveal that we may never know the reason for this miracle but the fact that they have not killed anybody important will, it hopes, silence the vaccines' many rabid critics.</div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-68276393321877031772023-12-11T06:38:00.000-08:002023-12-11T06:38:57.168-08:00Government to ban beer and other greenhouse beverages to save the planet<p> by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir_yWBx9corIfefN4a6gNdH41_fugIf6g_jwuHl8Vfm4OEe9_9mWIuq3M9DOacS9js26GhBFw9wHPsna7T-QsOBZ6dwB1EbiFTSjkvFDNMzSveUxjvscu-aqM8Xh6_r1mw-FuZ3o9R4m36VLyQI608-rK2GzxoGhKM91E-ajIPO-aXjzJ2BwjuTc5a/s6912/Looking%20forward%20to%20being%20famous%20after%20I'm%20dead%20(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="6912" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir_yWBx9corIfefN4a6gNdH41_fugIf6g_jwuHl8Vfm4OEe9_9mWIuq3M9DOacS9js26GhBFw9wHPsna7T-QsOBZ6dwB1EbiFTSjkvFDNMzSveUxjvscu-aqM8Xh6_r1mw-FuZ3o9R4m36VLyQI608-rK2GzxoGhKM91E-ajIPO-aXjzJ2BwjuTc5a/s320/Looking%20forward%20to%20being%20famous%20after%20I'm%20dead%20(1).png" width="320" /></a></div><br />Experts have discovered that efforts to save the environment from the weather and other threats have not gone far enough in so far as the air still has carbon dioxide in it and people have been inexplicably reluctant to adopt the highly recommended Stone Age lifestyle that rejects the evils of civilization in favour of lives that are less harmful to the planet by virtue of being much shorter.<span><a name='more'></a></span><br />Genius methods of reducing carbon dioxide emissions such as making bovine flatulence illegal, making it mandatory for every citizen to hold their breath several times a day and scrapping frivolous luxuries such as the economy have shocked scientists the world over by failing to produce the hoped-for result of reducing CO2 levels below that necessary to sustain plant life.<br /> <br />And so the climate keeps happening despite being told not to by Klaus Schwabb, Al Gore, the Mainstream Media and other wise and completely benign sources with absolutely no hidden agenda whatsoever - the latter fact proven beyond dispute by government edicts forbidding anyone to say otherwise.<br /> <br />But the government and its parent organisation - the international charity SAAO (Save An Aged Oligarch) - have left no common-sense unturned in their effort to phase out carbon dioxide and thus save the planet if not the actual people living on it.<br /> <br />Top secret scientific research that cannot be revealed for top secret reasons has revealed that the process known as fermentation, used in the production of beers and similar beverages produces effervescence which, it has been discovered, is due to the release of the terrifying planet-killing gas, carbon dioxide.<br /> <br />The amount of carbon dioxide produced daily by fizzy beverages has been shown to far exceed that produced by automobiles, flatulence or people breathing out and this makes beer a Greenhouse Beverage that could turn the entire planet into a giant sauna!!!!!<br /> <br />But further research has revealed that fizzy drinks, including sparkling spring water, are also Greenhouse Beverages that release equally terrifying amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and these and beer are responsible for the unprecedented warm weather that afflicted large swathes of the planet this summer with temperatures described by experts as "often as high as normal" and believed to have been warm enough to defrost frozen chickens or melt the brains of politicians.<br /> <br />Therefore the government, unswervingly devoted as it is to environmentally friendly economic-suicide-by-carbon-neutral, is preparing new legislation that will make the production and consumption of beer, sparkling drinks and similar threats to democracy illegal.<br /> <br />Politicians are reported to be confident that the ban on beer will result in the planet not spontaneously combusting any more than usual and a world free of the evils of beer will bring the nation cause for much rejoicing.<p></p><p>The situation is now believed to be so dire that the Secretary General of the UN, having declared Global Boiling just before the cold weather set in, has now declared Global Effervescing, which he has dubbed with statesmanlike gravitas, "even more terrifying than the boiling thing."</p><p>Meanwhile, in the UK members of the SAAO-sponsored environmental activist group "Just Stop Beer" have held sit-ins across pub doorways and glued themselves to pub landlords. The police have the situation under control, however, and are keeping them supplied with sandwiches.</p>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-75923103608397723132023-03-23T09:03:00.004-07:002023-04-02T02:53:50.637-07:00British scientists discover pothole virus<p><span style="font-family: times;">by<a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ4ZLnQI3-1jbJig4ZnXNV7SQNPnjykwGnkG8JtmdpW9VqrXZdFYliW_59ewDda_plNr_pL-syiHlLYgnchng15EJnUX-LACm2yALPnRpAqqfjSBh5z7GJsDFBpMCN0PS3YcVBGY7BhLiPpoMUF_zuodvkmjODYM7_rnQ3xzKdHQyjUpNjHdauvA/s1392/Infected%20Highway.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">For many months people have blamed the epidemic of potholes, craters and fissures that have suddenly and embarrassingly turned British Roads into the battlefield of the Somme circa 1914 on gormless or corrupt local councils negligently chucking taxpayers' millions at inept cowboys posing unconvincingly as highway engineers whilst being manifestly clueless as to how to actually build or repair a road.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">But it now appears that the state of British roads has nothing to do with irresponsible councils or cowboy "engineers" taking them for a ride (pardon the pun) but a hitherto undiscovered variant of the Covid 19.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">Yes, indeed!<span><a name='more'></a></span></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: times; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1016" data-original-width="1392" height="169" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ4ZLnQI3-1jbJig4ZnXNV7SQNPnjykwGnkG8JtmdpW9VqrXZdFYliW_59ewDda_plNr_pL-syiHlLYgnchng15EJnUX-LACm2yALPnRpAqqfjSBh5z7GJsDFBpMCN0PS3YcVBGY7BhLiPpoMUF_zuodvkmjODYM7_rnQ3xzKdHQyjUpNjHdauvA/w232-h169/Infected%20Highway.png" width="232" /></span>As we all know it has been proven beyond rational thought by secret scientists using top secret science that Covid 19 causes almost all problems, such as strokes in toddlers, prenatal depression, killer vaccines, life-threatening dandruff, climate change, catastrophic shedding of IQ by governments and so on and so forth.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">And now those very same scientists using something similar to science and not at all influenced by the government or in the pay of vested interests, have miraculously discovered that a hitherto unknown strain of Covid is responsible for the outbreak of potholes and craters that have blighted and often killed British roads over the past three years!</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">This shock discovery unexpectedly lets councils right off the hook and places the blame squarely where it belongs: sheer bad luck that nobody can prosecute anybody for.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7uUwHiR_KxYTB_gVRiQ_WV3deu0m8joHgoskTiAE-5uoZyoJon5bW61GXiTS9CA3Rfsoy4F6ksmfBGuHWCtReo4Ca3gq1uIrsepy0YvxbmoxFnVcuQTBcbzKCOtC6C9pPncP9NoBUJaiM_zPDQTRRyqNHPEnm9faC0DilNApLQhdWofL9WRy0yQ/s1399/MOT.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-family: times;">Scientists are working flat out to find an expensive remedy for the Covid Road Virus that will work in at least 0.2% of cases.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;">The government meanwhile will be introducing a ban on cars, the so-called "six foot rule" by which cars are banned from making journeys of more than six feet. This is because cars are believed to be the main carrier of the virus, but not the electric ones of course.<span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: times; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1127" data-original-width="1399" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7uUwHiR_KxYTB_gVRiQ_WV3deu0m8joHgoskTiAE-5uoZyoJon5bW61GXiTS9CA3Rfsoy4F6ksmfBGuHWCtReo4Ca3gq1uIrsepy0YvxbmoxFnVcuQTBcbzKCOtC6C9pPncP9NoBUJaiM_zPDQTRRyqNHPEnm9faC0DilNApLQhdWofL9WRy0yQ/w269-h217/MOT.png" width="269" /></span></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><b><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></b></div><div class="gmail_default"><b><span style="font-family: times;">RELATED ARTICLES</span></b></div><div class="gmail_default"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: times;">Covid proven to be the cause of the killer vaccine outbreak -see page 666</span></li><li><span style="font-family: times;">Scientists fear that Covid will bring down civilisation - see page 999</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i><span><!--more--></span></a></div></div><div class="gmail_default" style="font-family: tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-8836573979923432292023-03-20T05:25:00.007-07:002023-04-02T02:54:10.925-07:00Famed movie stuntman to attempt world's most dangerous stunt.by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a><div><br />Renowned stuntman Dave Crash, famous for his complete lack of fear or, indeed, common sense, has<br />announced that he will soon attempt to push back the boundaries of his profession by attempting a stunt that no man has yet ... er, attempted, and lived to tell the tale.</div><div><br />Dave's career as a stunt man began after he spent his early working life as a pothole installer for his local Highways Department. <span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div><br /></div><div>His job naturally brought him to witness countless road traffic crashes and collisions, although most admittedly at low speed.</div><div> <br />The sound of exploding tyres, the crunch of crumpling metal and the cries of anguished motorists inspired him to seek a career as a stuntman.</div><div><br />After training at Reckless, the top stunt school a Deathtoll Nebraska in the USA, Dave carved out a successful career as a movie stuntman and received Oscar nominations for his feats in Salazaar Bim's <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/8100826139227566814/883657397992343229#" target="_blank">"The Man Who Lost His Sandwich"</a> and Clint Eastwood's spaghetti Western "Let's All Cheer Up A Bit".</div><div><br />His new stunt, set to top a glittering career if he survives it, will require a fleet of ambulances standing by and will see him get up early in the morning and annoy his wife before she has had her first cup of coffee. When she gets annoyed he will then risk life and limb by telling her to calm down.</div><div><br />Betting on the outcome is already robust according to Ladbrokes with, at this writing, the odds at 2:1 that he will be hospitalised, 3:1 that he won't survive and 25:1 that he will pull off the stunt unscathed.<br /><br /></div><div>Men everywhere are advised not to try this at home.</div><div><br /></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div><div><span></span><span><!--more--></span></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-62793098387516694102022-11-20T23:13:00.009-08:002023-04-02T02:54:30.881-07:00The Yes-Men: Armageddon Productions releases latest blockbuster<p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>X-Men II: the Yes-Men</b></span></p><p>Review by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></p><p>This latest blockbuster movie from Armageddon Productions is directed by famed Bulgarian Director Salazaar Bim ("<a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/2020/08/the-davinci-covid.html" rel="noopener" target="_blank">The Da Vinci Covid</a>" and "<a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/2020/01/from-director-who-lost-his-angst-man.html" rel="noopener" target="_blank">The Man Who Lost His Sandwich</a>")</p><p></p><p>A sequel to the highly successful X Men, Yes-Men features a new band of superheroes who say "yes" to everything they're told by international supervillain Klaus Loon.<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p>Loon’s organization, disguised as a charity known as “Help The Aged Oligarch”, is dedicated to taking over the planet, re-setting it to be worse than it was in the first place, and thereby unburdening humanity of everything that makes them miserable such as money, property, freedom, not being implanted with microchips and so forth.</p><p>Our band of heroes is led by Rish Rich, an almost lifelike automaton whose superpower is the ability to absorb money from his surroundings and rematerialise it in the bank accounts of his chums. His sidekicks include Jeremy the Chancellor whose superpower enables him to lay waste entire nations by taking common sense and economics and throwing them to the winds, Matt Midazolam, a humanoid alien who can make people and other undesirables drop dead just by being a Health Secretary and Neil the Mathromancer who can alter reality into a complete fiction by conjuring up mathematical models.</p><p>The movie features the Yes-Men's trials and tribulations as they try to use their superpowers to win the War on Common Sense by bringing into being a Great Depression thought to be the only thing that can save Planet Earth from the fate of not being fleeced by elite pedophiles and other "Chosen Ones" wisely chosen by themselves to lord it over humanity.</p><p>To be released when you are least expecting it.</p><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-11434532356142431712022-09-04T16:48:00.005-07:002023-04-02T03:00:00.785-07:00 "Boil Back Better!" says Boris<p><b style="font-family: tahoma, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Government issues new genius advice for saving on your energy bills as the costs of luxuries such as boiling a kettle rise.</span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b style="font-family: tahoma, sans-serif;"></b></div><p><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><b>by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></b></span></p><p><span face="tahoma, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: medium;">Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's incredibly useful advice for consumers to buy a new kettle in order to save a whopping £10 per year on their energy bills, Downing Street has issued another brilliant energy-saving tip.<span></span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgVIUNsWAjLISIRFuZ5n5fL8_NbWdQf_eMoFneikGEyqnesWSJPWKwROKj54wB8a9w-FZwSjIE3KT7n7B9DX4hYRrOQtynhJThf66dqoHP93dc6moXONZBBeTSAww1Ih2ufV2IyCElYHaSIyzyKmNsUx4dxjj8qbOaePf9VRQXC0DIJ99Zi1OQutA" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="307" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgVIUNsWAjLISIRFuZ5n5fL8_NbWdQf_eMoFneikGEyqnesWSJPWKwROKj54wB8a9w-FZwSjIE3KT7n7B9DX4hYRrOQtynhJThf66dqoHP93dc6moXONZBBeTSAww1Ih2ufV2IyCElYHaSIyzyKmNsUx4dxjj8qbOaePf9VRQXC0DIJ99Zi1OQutA=w132-h194" width="132" /></a></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Boiling kettles can be expensive. The cost of boiling 2 kilos of tap water in an average kettle in order to fill a hot water bottle can often put the average household behind on the rent.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">As you know, hot water bottles can be lifesavers in the winter when the government's phasing out of energy and other iniquities of Communism have made luxuries such as heating available only to the rich. But hot water bottles tend to lose heat and cool down rapidly, requiring further expensive boiling of water to heat them up again.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">But government scientists have discovered that insulating your hot water bottle enables it to retain its heat for up to five times as long, thus saving you the fortune it costs you every time you put the kettle on.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Their advice then is to purchase a roll of foil bubble insulating material from Homebase or similar DIY store and use it to make a simple cosy in which to encase each of your hot water bottles.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span style="font-size: medium;">Once secured inside their insulating material envelope, their heat is kept from escaping into your bed and your hot water bottles can retain their heat all night long and save you another £10 a year!</span><br /><br /></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Prime Ministerial candidate LizTruss, speaking to a charity dinner in aid of the chinless said, "We should be proud of the fact that we in Britain have more fully insulated hot water bottles than the French!"</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><b>RELATED NEWS</b></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">Scientists have discovered that falling asleep can often cause a lowering of body temperature leading to symptoms similar to hypothermia.</span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="font-size: medium;"><div style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></i></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span face="tahoma, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /></span></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-46974967247467763092022-07-14T08:31:00.005-07:002023-04-02T03:00:16.497-07:00Scientists have discovered that Covid19 wiped out the dinosaurs<p><span style="font-size: medium;">by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The shock news today is that Covid 19 has been renamed by some secret WHO scientists working in a lab beneath Bill Gates.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjfXKxjlL9AvqFhLBKaAfxLgcF9FhcytZeZrXfFC7wSgAFsBsx-za-2H5fohqsXboVLHRWJo9UP99Hi2WNR-nwNFMDZsMTE0xbKykBo9TxSWHkaaPiWCK9KwXvRKroTqfl-iSoug0_fDJ7Cn8G5qM-sTMAuW2mqfhdiCf8BGXOiMbwNjB5yieVtHw" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It will henceforth be referred to as the Stealth Virus because it makes millions of people ill without their even realising they are ill and fools them into thinking it is not at all deadly by not killing them (or making them ill).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And this places them in the very real danger of recovering without ever knowing they were sick!<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><div><span style="clear: left; float: left; font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjfXKxjlL9AvqFhLBKaAfxLgcF9FhcytZeZrXfFC7wSgAFsBsx-za-2H5fohqsXboVLHRWJo9UP99Hi2WNR-nwNFMDZsMTE0xbKykBo9TxSWHkaaPiWCK9KwXvRKroTqfl-iSoug0_fDJ7Cn8G5qM-sTMAuW2mqfhdiCf8BGXOiMbwNjB5yieVtHw" width="286" /></span><span style="font-size: medium;">Nevertheless, even though everybody fully understands that the pandemic was a necessary, unavoidable fraud to consolidate globalist power and Save The Oligarchy, I am still terrified because no matter how not-at-all-horrible this COVID thingy turned out to be, the seasonal flu is EVEN WORSE.<br /><br />Yes, it turns out that the seasonal flu is even more deadly than the COVID flu, despite their uncanny similarities!! </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">It is <b>terrifying</b> to think that the <b>threat </b>of flu and COVID have been around since the dawn of time and nobody noticed this!!!<br /><br />In fact, I have read authoritative, conclusive press releases in the The Nude Scientist, The Daft Report and other learned journals that Conservative Party scientists working closely with our Wise Leader (whoever that is) have proved beyond reasonable thought that COVID19 wiped out the dinosaurs!!!!!<br /><br />Yes!!!!!! Yes not even the Triceratops or Brontosaurus were immune to this pandemic - and they couldn't even read newspapers!!!!!!!!</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">In light of that shocking discovery that has left proper scientists both dumbfounded and ignored, the "Prime Minister" has wisely told us that he has NO CHOICE but to command everybody to live out their days fed by intravenous drips, with their brains wired up to VR (which is nicer than reality anyway) in a sealed sterile bubble so as to avoid going the way of the dinosaurs!<br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Some doubters such as socialists and other scum wrongly assert that lying in a plastic bubble not doing anything is not much of a life but, as the PM responded on TV last night with every ounce of sincerity in his ample frame, "not having much of a life is preferable to possibly dying eventually (which is EVEN MORE terrifying when you think of all the things people can die of and must be protected against, such as breathing, walking about, voting Labour etc)."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Churchill himself could not have put it better!<br /><br />Remember, these measures to shut down the country, destroy the joy of living and so forth are for your own good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />We may not actually live longer but it will sure as hell seem like it.<br /><br />So try and have a little gratitude and Remember The Mantra:<br /><br />OBEY<br />DON'T NOT OBEY<br />SAVE THE OLIGARCHY</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="font-size: medium;"><div style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></i></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-14786225606505090792022-07-14T07:32:00.012-07:002023-04-02T03:00:47.157-07:00Vaccines proven innocent beyond reasonable thought<header class="entry-header clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="border-bottom-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-top-style: dotted; border-width: 1px 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0.625rem 0px 0px; padding: 5px 10px; vertical-align: baseline;">by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com/" rel="noopener" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #00aae1; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Steve Cook<br /></a></div></header><div class="entry-content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">An amendment to the official definition of “dead” designed to eliminate anomalies such as people being<br /> incorrectly labelled ‘deceased” simply because they have stopped breathing has led to a startling discovery.<p style="background-color: white; color: #333f49; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As Jane Fibbs, Minister for National Hysteria, explained:</p><blockquote style="background-color: white; border-bottom-style: initial; border-color: rgb(0, 46, 99); border-image: initial; border-left-style: solid; border-right-style: solid; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 2px 0px 5px; box-shadow: rgb(204, 204, 204) 2px 2px 15px; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: italic; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0.9375rem; quotes: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Once you factor in our improvement of the definition of ‘death’, a remarkable thing emerges: hardly anybody has died from the Covid Jab! This came as a bit of a shock on account of people dropping like flies after being jabbed but, well, the statistics cannot lie! Well, not this time at least.”</p></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span></span></p><a name='more'></a>The revelation comes after the discovery that “death”, one of the Covid vaccines’ more worrying side effects that bereaved relatives and other right-wing extremists have complained about, has been incorrectly defined, an administrative error that has let to gross inflation of the death-after-the-jab stat.<p></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It was found that the victim’s death certificate, whilst having the signature of the coroner and attending physician was in almost every case missing the signature of the deceased.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JpV4dDooNNogr6eOxdm-6TXfidWQPkFi02MZvOGuSdd1qpAf9JbP7vEf5XYy56ufKSObDfDHa769P4xXp8iBTbNU1_puvwILtS9RQsob3nR_Q3AfSU7cLV7SgfL81F4je3SeUtgrq0EwFKyHYUG-DAHDAvC76MqXbzYWtiOh5rK65b9Frtxfrg/s1413/Detailed%20Border%20New%20Year%20%20Similarly,%20environmentalists%20loudly%20declared%20that%20Australia%E2%80%99s%C2%A0magnificent%20Great%20Barrier%20Reef%20was%20nearly%20dead,%20killed%20by%20bleaching%20caused%20by%20climate%20change.%20The%20UK%20Guardian%20even%20published%20(27).png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="1413" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JpV4dDooNNogr6eOxdm-6TXfidWQPkFi02MZvOGuSdd1qpAf9JbP7vEf5XYy56ufKSObDfDHa769P4xXp8iBTbNU1_puvwILtS9RQsob3nR_Q3AfSU7cLV7SgfL81F4je3SeUtgrq0EwFKyHYUG-DAHDAvC76MqXbzYWtiOh5rK65b9Frtxfrg/w249-h221/Detailed%20Border%20New%20Year%20%20Similarly,%20environmentalists%20loudly%20declared%20that%20Australia%E2%80%99s%C2%A0magnificent%20Great%20Barrier%20Reef%20was%20nearly%20dead,%20killed%20by%20bleaching%20caused%20by%20climate%20change.%20The%20UK%20Guardian%20even%20published%20(27).png" width="249" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As Ms Fibbs explained:</p><blockquote style="background-color: white; border-bottom-style: initial; border-color: rgb(0, 46, 99); border-image: initial; border-left-style: solid; border-right-style: solid; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 2px 0px 5px; box-shadow: rgb(204, 204, 204) 2px 2px 15px; color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: italic; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0.9375rem; quotes: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“To count as a death, the death certificate must contain the signature of the deceased person attesting that he or she has in fact expired. Without that all-important signature, there is no proof that death has occurred.”</p></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As a result, where the death certificate of any “vax injured” deceased has their all-important signature missing, it cannot be counted as deceased and must be officially reclassified as “not very well”.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As the signature of the deceased has been omitted in all but a handful of cases’ this has meant that the vax fatality rate has had to be re-assessed.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In an unexpected and miraculous turn of events, this has led to the vaccine fatality stat being close to zero, an outcome that has prompted mass murderers throughout Whitehall to receive knighthoods.<br /></p><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br /></span></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-73688609029023102342022-07-14T06:37:00.003-07:002023-04-02T03:01:31.663-07:00Athlete's Foot may cause strokes/heart attacks say top secret scientists.<p><span style="font-family: times;">A shock new discovery has emerged from thousands of painstaking scientific press releases<br />that may alleviate the current several-hours-long shortage of things to be terrified about that has terrorised Britain, whilst adding to<span style="font-size: large;"> the growing mountain of evidence that the world is run by extremely rich mental patients.</span></span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The discovery was announced this morning by the Ministry of Hysteria in the form of a 150 word report that goes into scant detail about the newly-discovered link between Athlete's Foot and heart attacks and strokes.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4rH2_ruk8eJB9OUC2za6TBGfsTzuSCObtndqjMKBmI7Vlb8IiyGKdfZWlG2i-aqAj-RuOqy4b7bbd6XJ2iGvctrZcBw6-sRG4V-o2h24m9weQ8nXkcYQnIMwH4v6aNhEuKhdRcROBb0G9gDJaLABUqTZ_DgT2ATRtIMq7SaD_JpCfLddWq0WIQQ/s230/th.gif" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="153" data-original-width="230" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4rH2_ruk8eJB9OUC2za6TBGfsTzuSCObtndqjMKBmI7Vlb8IiyGKdfZWlG2i-aqAj-RuOqy4b7bbd6XJ2iGvctrZcBw6-sRG4V-o2h24m9weQ8nXkcYQnIMwH4v6aNhEuKhdRcROBb0G9gDJaLABUqTZ_DgT2ATRtIMq7SaD_JpCfLddWq0WIQQ/w219-h146/th.gif" width="219" /></a><span style="font-size: medium;">The report, entitled "Vaccines are Innocent After All", subtitled, "And We're Not Even Lying", is the result of several minutes brainstorming by scientists described by the government as "top secret". It blows apart the myth that the Covid vaccines are responsible for a sharp rise in such fatal adverse events that began just after the Covid vaccines were rolled out.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /> The report's take-down of that evidence-based misconception the vaccines have killed lots of people, came in the form of an eloquent rebuttal that left thousands of vaccine opponents speechless, quote:<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"Oh no they haven't."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Blame has consequently shifted to various places where it doesn't belong - a process known as "transaccusation" Prominent prominent amongst these is Athlete's Foot, and this has, to quote one scientist, "Let the killjabs right off the hook."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Jane Fibbs, Secretary of State for Hysteria responded to the news with:</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">"This just goes to show that Her Majesty's Government are not the mass murdering psychopaths the evidence suggests. We hope the British People will henceforth not be so easily influenced by facts and evidence because facts and evidence can be used to undermine what the government is doing to support the WEF (World Extermination Forum), Kill The Plebs, Help a Barmy Oligarch and other humanitarian endeavors that are good for everybody in manifold vague and mysterious ways.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The revelations come after researchers discovered that a terrifying 46% of stroke and heart attack victims were suffering from Athlete's Foot at the time of their demise.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The definition of Athlete's Foot was, by an amazing coincidence, just days prior to the discovery, amended to include corns, bunions, ingrown toenails, flat feet, chilblains and gout.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Athlete's Foot is now recognised as a killer even more dangerous than medical treatments and to counter it, the government plans to introduce the compulsory wearing of foot masks and making the wearing of sandals illegal.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> A source close to the government said, "We are glad we've cleared that up and it is lucky for the unsuspecting public that we are here."</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span></p>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-22447411861225472332022-03-27T05:22:00.006-07:002023-04-02T03:01:51.222-07:00Nation Braces for BS epidemic after shock revelations from the Klaus Loon Centre for Global Dementia<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>SHOCK NEWS IN BRIEF<br /></b></span><div><span style="font-size: medium;">by<a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Scientists have discovered the primary cause of heart attacks in the 5-95 age group.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Shock revelations from the Klaus Loon Centre for Global Dementia have now exposed the shocking hitherto unknown shocking fact that is bound to . . . er shock millions of people into an extreme bout of a mental illness known to experts as Blind Stupidity (BS).<span><a name='more'></a></span></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnuQ-g_zSeH94D9GYHqc3-WSqEmFi1K1WgYmbFsn-XLrRagfnb-vDMEUee7Vj7XPQMwuxjCB_D2xk0LWTd5xdscbMUFRAE8uxE_Q1Ib2Wh4YvP0B9qEuPGwcCHTPmCUz70E6gZJH55bvzKFY9GZtRx3nRZZmCtlQ0zM8ZRt3fDUDAPhxUK16I-Jg/s474/download%20(20).jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="474" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnuQ-g_zSeH94D9GYHqc3-WSqEmFi1K1WgYmbFsn-XLrRagfnb-vDMEUee7Vj7XPQMwuxjCB_D2xk0LWTd5xdscbMUFRAE8uxE_Q1Ib2Wh4YvP0B9qEuPGwcCHTPmCUz70E6gZJH55bvzKFY9GZtRx3nRZZmCtlQ0zM8ZRt3fDUDAPhxUK16I-Jg/w269-h153/download%20(20).jpg" width="269" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />BS is an often fatal condition in which the sufferer loses the capacity for rational thought and does everything the government tells them to without recognising it is completely daft.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Many traumatic events have been known to induce the levels of shock that trigger BS, such as switching on the BBC, reading newspapers, discovering that Klaud Scwabb is "human" and not an actual muppet, realising George Soros isn't dead despite appearances and so forth.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />The latest and perhaps most traumatic event was yesterday's announcement from the Klaus Loon Centre for Global Dementia that its researchers have discovered that the primary cause of heart attacks is not the clocks going forward, shaking the duvet too vigorously or too-tight underpants as previously proven in thousands of scientific press releases.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />The centre's chief scientist, Prof Devious O'Charlatan, explained that they have discovered the hitherto completely unexpected primary cause of heart attacks in British Citizens is the stress brought on by being unable to develop herd immunity to the incumbent government.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Exposure is believed to occur when one comes close to the source of infection, such as being in the same country, where one is likely to fall foul of the media-borne Poly-Ticks virus.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />It is believed that proximity to the government may already have killed millions of people whose deaths were blamed on something else entirely (such as God).</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Researchers are now desperately seeking an antidote and are hopeful it will come in the form of a new political party run by sensible people, although some worry that this may prove impossible.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><div style="font-size: medium;"><div style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></i></span></div><div><br /></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-4957140922825166592021-11-23T09:26:00.007-08:002023-04-02T03:02:07.487-07:00New improved PCR Test to be introduced next week<p><span style="font-size: medium;">by <a href="www.steve-cook.co,m" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Britain's Deputy Vaccine Dictator of the Department of Eugenicide, Hannibal Van Dim, announced this morning that a new improved PCR test will be introduced across the country by the end of the week.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The current test, which relies on a nasal swab using a QTip coated with graphene oxide, is to be scrapped as "too cheap" and being prone to giving too few false positives to justify pinning on it any longer all the government's hopes of bringing the nation a truly convincing pandemic.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The new test, based on the same principles as the old one, will comprise an anal swab inserted into the rectum instead of the nose. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkqIwMbL1DOQGnfzPncMcW3nZ7rrODMMJwoe4S-vmtCb3KgQCDNwHrPor7yssGd8d2QymzRATRMCLaPMJQC_fKLWLOvAx9LTIyNwqTUw1CWqLVBsW8xF-5KAtV4OyoX7xqmc8WlxE3Ow/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="252" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkqIwMbL1DOQGnfzPncMcW3nZ7rrODMMJwoe4S-vmtCb3KgQCDNwHrPor7yssGd8d2QymzRATRMCLaPMJQC_fKLWLOvAx9LTIyNwqTUw1CWqLVBsW8xF-5KAtV4OyoX7xqmc8WlxE3Ow/w227-h147/image.png" width="227" /></a></span><span style="font-size: medium;">It will, like the outgoing version, be available in supermarket car parks and shopping malls where it will be administered by inexpert but enthusiastic paid volunteers who will do anything for money in the traditional manner.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The swab, however, will be much larger than the nasal version and, in a move to cut waste and save the planet, each swab will be re-usable after a rinse under the tap.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Another way of cutting costs and dispensing with time- and labour-consuming inconveniences like diagnosis, laboratory analysis and so forth is being piloted in Leamington Spa and, if successful, may be deployed on a national scale.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This innovation involves the use of one anal swab that, where it produces a positive, is assigned to as many as twenty members of the public selected at random from the NHS data base.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This will slash at a stroke the number of testing centres and laboratories that must be maintained at public expense whilst at the same time enabling millions of people to achieve the much sought after accolade of "Covid Case" without having to leave the house or exert any effort in any way.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div><p></p>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-14676039577790460642021-11-23T08:48:00.006-08:002023-04-02T03:02:20.998-07:00PCR Test horror shock<div class="separator"><span><span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; float: right; font-size: x-large; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></div></span></span><span style="font-family: times;">by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a><span> </span></span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-family: times;">Scientists have today announced they have made a shock discovery even more shocking than the</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV2yOAhiV5eD6XvUDND_oO5QRhVUMTpb75HdwakRNFxTuyyW9T5-XNFCuS_W8Xhz6Ya3-nNH5sPdEgWpIsy87pn9bmL58bZtszOh8NXTjGqo3Ce9Wp7o4XVFOKdaX14NybqeHG39E_1_QFdXt3vURmTddQiPmEnEXSfbAzSrynC5MAj9dbIFuDpw/s292/Detailed%20Border%20New%20Year%20%20Similarly,%20environmentalists%20loudly%20declared%20that%20Australia%E2%80%99s%C2%A0magnificent%20Great%20Barrier%20Reef%20was%20nearly%20dead,%20killed%20by%20bleaching%20caused%20by%20climate%20change.%20The%20UK%20Guardian%20even%20published%20(27).png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-family: times;"><br /> discovery that<a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/2019/10/dinosaurs-may-have-worn-hats-scientists.html"> dinosaurs may have worn hats</a> or the possibility the<a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/2021/03/scientists-discover-uk-government-is.html#more"> British government is not at all demented.</a>They have . . . er, discovered the PCR test is infecting people with colds and flu - or as they are now known, "Covid" - and on rare occasions killing them.<span><a name='more'></a></span></span><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: times; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="153" data-original-width="292" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV2yOAhiV5eD6XvUDND_oO5QRhVUMTpb75HdwakRNFxTuyyW9T5-XNFCuS_W8Xhz6Ya3-nNH5sPdEgWpIsy87pn9bmL58bZtszOh8NXTjGqo3Ce9Wp7o4XVFOKdaX14NybqeHG39E_1_QFdXt3vURmTddQiPmEnEXSfbAzSrynC5MAj9dbIFuDpw/s1600/Detailed%20Border%20New%20Year%20%20Similarly,%20environmentalists%20loudly%20declared%20that%20Australia%E2%80%99s%C2%A0magnificent%20Great%20Barrier%20Reef%20was%20nearly%20dead,%20killed%20by%20bleaching%20caused%20by%20climate%20change.%20The%20UK%20Guardian%20even%20published%20(27).png" width="292" /></span><span style="font-family: times;">This phenomenon came to light when researchers - whose identities must remain secret for reasons of (a) security and (b) embarrassment - noticed that almost 100% of people diagnosed as having Covid and being very ill with no symptoms had had the PCR Test a few days or hours or even minutes prio<span>r to being ill. </span></span><span style="font-family: times;">Reports are coming in that tens of thousands may even have suffered the nightmare of getting better before they even realised they were ill!</span></span><span style="font-family: times;"><span><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span>Jane Fibbs, the newly appointed Vaccine Dictator of the recently formed Ministry of Eugenics tasked with finding the Holy Grail of epidemiology known as "Herd Mentality", said that his has led to the inescapable conclusion that the PCR test is infecting them with an illness so serious that as many as one in ten thousand of them die. with people as young as 93 the most vulnerable.</span></span></span><span><br /></span>This makes the PCR test almost as lethal as the vaccines, governments and other traditional killers.</span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-family: times;">"And" she added, "that's just one of the advantages"</span></div><div class="separator"><span style="font-family: times;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div class="separator"><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a><span style="font-size: xx-large;"> </span></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-88415126242990471332021-09-27T04:08:00.006-07:002023-04-02T03:02:35.983-07:00 The Nation rejoices as Government announces new strategy for getting chemicals into children<div class="paddingWrapper hideOnFullVideo" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="message canmark" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em;">by<a href="https://pocketnet.app/index?s=69e8a3f5275365796ef13c37987a39fa34fe5a3228e13790b4564b94450389ad&mpost=true"> Steve Coo</a><a href="https://pocketnet.app/index?s=69e8a3f5275365796ef13c37987a39fa34fe5a3228e13790b4564b94450389ad&mpost=true">k</a></div><div class="message canmark" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Exciting breaking news from the Eugenics Industry is that The UK's Chief Mortality Officer, the moribund Chris Witty, has scientifically discovered a new . . . er, scientific way to get more chemicals into your children!</b></div><div class="message canmark" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em;"><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">It has been proven in top secret studies by scientists whose identities must remain secret for security reasons that children do not have enough chemicals in them.<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p style="background-color: white; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Witty pointed out that "it is a well known fact that the human race has evolved over millions of years into needing pharmaceutical chemicals. This is especially true of today's children who have, quite frankly, let the country down by being unpatriotically and dangerously low on chemicals".</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8jfZP5WJLONIoUjrDWJUvn_gA54cHauzNgdd17a-evn0yqwZPWeyE16CN6KSe_J3bCm_Xuk0pBiTyXjKzDiaby6x73iJirIMvRW9h4bGzpbkIMpKQkMri3ECwof7ZZoTHwiwr4Mn8_Q/s310/Whitty.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="272" data-original-width="310" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8jfZP5WJLONIoUjrDWJUvn_gA54cHauzNgdd17a-evn0yqwZPWeyE16CN6KSe_J3bCm_Xuk0pBiTyXjKzDiaby6x73iJirIMvRW9h4bGzpbkIMpKQkMri3ECwof7ZZoTHwiwr4Mn8_Q/w200-h175/Whitty.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Dismayed by the prospect that the number of children harmed by the booby-trapped pseudo vaccines caringly forced on them for their own good in order to protect them from a danger that children (or anyone else for that matter) aren't in, may fall well short of targets, he has announced a cunning scientific and not-at-all-evil plan to put a known carcinogen and all round government-friendly poison into the UK's tap water.</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">This has been hailed by many people throughout the Cabinet Office, Big Pharma boardrooms and other lunatic asylums as a boon in which Science has been brought to bear on a very real but unspecified problem by the masterstroke of ignoring it completely.</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Presenting the insertion of fluoride into the water supply as a solution to dental problems, Witty responded strongly to the allegations made by millions of scientists and other conspiracy theorists that fluoride has been known for decades to be a considerable threat to health, intelligence and other non-essential human faculties. He hit back with a scientific response guaranteed to silence his critics, quote:</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">"Oh no it isn't."</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">When this reporter put to Mr Witty that fluoride is known to render children less intelligent and make them more pliable, he responded with:</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">"That's just one of the advantages!" and went on to explain how chucking a few drums of chemicals into the reservoirs is a lot more cost effective than getting kids to brush their teeth, stopping the food industry poisoning them with sugar and so forth.</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Responding to concerns that the mass injecting of young people alongside slipping them a ruddy great mickey* may in the long term cause infertility and the early demise of many children, a spokesperson for the Department of Ill Health and Euthanasia (DIE) said,</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">"People will have to decide what their priorities are. The annual cost to the taxpayer of raising and caring for children, letting them run around and disturb the peace and so forth is astronomical. The cunning plan of adding fluoride to the vaccine program is part of the national economy drive that will save the government a great deal of money as well as rendering the country a lot quieter so people will be able to absorb government instructions in peace."</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Responding to this latest news, the Prime Muppet at a Downing Street press conference earlier today silenced critics with the following statement:</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">"In my sober judgement Mr Witty is probably not at all demented".</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">* <i style="box-sizing: content-box;"><span style="box-sizing: content-box; font-weight: 700;">mickey</span>: In slang, a Mickey Finn (or simply a mickey) is a drink laced with a psychoactive drug or incapacitating agent given to someone without their knowledge, with intent to incapacitate them. Serving someone a "mickey" is commonly referred to as "slipping someone a mickey"</i></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17; font-family: "Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i style="box-sizing: content-box;"><br /></i></span></p><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-44243028483733524882021-05-22T05:50:00.006-07:002023-04-02T03:02:50.985-07:00Breaking News! Every citizen soon to have a variant named after them? <div><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Government reveals "titanic raft of measures" designed to win the War on Democracy</span></b></div><div><br /></div>by<a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/"> Steve Cook</a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/"></a></div><br />In what has been described as a massive u-turn in its War on Democracy the government has announced proposals to give every citizen the opportunity to have a Covid 19 Variant named after them.<br /><br />Speaking from a sterile bunker under the Cabinet Office, the Minister for Hysteria, Jane Fibbs explained that,<br /><br /><br />"It is now well established that viruses mutate slightly about once every five minutes, producing nearly identical variants in such profusion it is hard to keep thinking up names for them. This is just the sort of sneaky trick we expect of viruses . . . "<span><a name='more'></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WU4u1Wzz9xuzSzaJtY1axwpyLhLtfQLwRCSQPpAe5dzSeOYHSrVRM964cI-JlZSz1yfEjs97uAa10oXnCRBlqwcpOnnFJiGb1jsf5bvb4ch8wj52dNib_1XiuZvDdwO9szi-to-IWw/s240/variant+names+2+3.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WU4u1Wzz9xuzSzaJtY1axwpyLhLtfQLwRCSQPpAe5dzSeOYHSrVRM964cI-JlZSz1yfEjs97uAa10oXnCRBlqwcpOnnFJiGb1jsf5bvb4ch8wj52dNib_1XiuZvDdwO9szi-to-IWw/s0/variant+names+2+3.jpg" /></a></span><br />She went on to explain that the Covid 19 virus is no exception, with variants appearing so fast as to terrify the government into<br />introducing a dictatorship. <div><br /></div><div>It is by now scientifically proven beyond reason that totalitarian regimes (eg Australia) are germ free and can perhaps remain so as long as their citizenry remain under house arrest - albeit scientists admit some totalitarian regimes are an exception to that rule (China, France, Canada) with people being under house arrest AND being told to be ill.<br /><br />Top secret government scientists are engaging in a crash research program in an urgent drive to find ways to tell the variants apart. This has been further hampered by the fact that nobody has yet managed to isolate or map the genetic code of the SARS2-Cov virus so as to establish what the variants are variants OF exactly. Government scientists are however confident the virus will be isolated before everybody's dead.<br /><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, the government is working flat out to think up names for the variants and then announcing them to the public in hourly g broadcasts in which the Health Secretary breaks into a cold sweat trying to suppress laughter.<br /><br />We have of course seen the Kent variant, Yorkshire Variant, Indian Variant, Mexican Variant and so on until the government soon ran out of countries, counties, regions, post codes - such as this morning's RH19 Variant (5.43 am to 5:47pm) and the stubbornly persistent LN6 Variant (5:47 to 6:03) - and ethnic minorities to name variants after.<br /><br />The last variant to be named after a country (Lesotho) appeared yesterday at 10.47 pm and was then succeeded a couple of minutes later by the first of a series of variants named after celebrities, so at 1:00pm the Spice Girls Variant was announced with the usual fanfare and was followed at 1:03 by the Andrew LLoyd Weber Variant, the Simon Cowell Variant, Charley Chaplin Variant and so forth until all celebrity names were exhausted by breakfast time.<br /><br />The government however is taking firm steps to handle the dangerously low stocks of names, the so called VNC (Variant Name Crisis) by giving British citizens the opportunity to have variants named after them.<br /><br />Part of what has been described as a "titanic raft of ambitious new measures" the scheme means that for a small fee of 500GBP you will be able to become the proud owner of a variant bearing your name. Thus your name will be immortalised by its association with something that has (allegedly) made more people sick than you have.<br /><br />For the time being, this opportunity will be restricted only to applicants with scary-sounding surnames that align with the pandemic's core advertising message, giving rise to such epithets as the Fear Variant, the De'Ath Variant, the Lurkin Variant, the Dark Variant, the Kill Variant, the Smellie Variant, Sneaks Variant etc.<br /><br />Suitably sinister or unpleasant surnames will run out by 6pm tomorrow according to the mathematical models of Imperial College's Neil Ferguson. He has predicted that a Variant Name Apocalypse will strike the country with "millions of anonymous variants" roaming the land in a desperate but ultimately futile search for a press mention. When that happens, the government proposes to throw open this unique opportunity to any citizen or illegal immigrant with a surname and five hundred quid to donate to the gov's Help a Needy Newspaper Benevolent Fund.<br /><br />This writer has already filled in the online form (at http://www.name-your-variant.shit) and excitedly awaits the reign of terror (3:34 to 3:38am next Thursday) of the sinister and extremely scary Steve Cook Variant.<br /><br />Although identical to every other variant such as colds and flu and distinguished mainly by its name, The Steve Cook Variant, like the Pete Tomkins Variant before it and the Elsie Carruthers variant before that, is predicted to strike down billions of people across Sussex with no symptoms, placing them in danger of not even knowing they were ill before they recover.<br /><br />Such an eventuality is, of course, unthinkable so we are advised by the government to not think about it - or indeed anything at all, preferably.</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-1832412498462776102021-04-05T13:48:00.009-07:002023-04-02T03:03:08.461-07:00Rapid-profit, Test-and-Jab system launched<p><b>People to test themselves hourly for 115 infectious diseases: public overjoyed as has nothing </b><b>better to do</b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p>by<a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a></p><p>Speaking for the government pursuant to stipulations of the Freedom of Disinformation Act 2020, Janet Gaff-Smother of the Ministry of Hysteria announced yesterday that the government is planning to get every person and household pet (except goldfish) in the UK to test themselves for Covid19 every hour for the next 83 years or until they die of Covid, whichever comes sooner.<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p>This plan is expected to provide a shot in the arm for Hitt and Miss Inc, the manufacturers of the test famed the world over for helping people realise they have been struck down by a killer virus with no symptoms. The test is deemed vital because people are at risk of living for decades without realising they are ill.<b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnr2_0z8q-NGlaCH-LCAqkxvZLbyAn4x6kTGqh3bAMpgfHXx5Ja-0TlSUu9O5feXluDg7mEPsM4RVSdxByhnk2IRGxCOPJOnjjdEyDf-qCvK1Kg9EEYmyihRaDtSYu0N226GUWcnj-lA/s1024/a-plate-of-syringes-filled-with-a-covid-19-vaccine-dd810f.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="695" data-original-width="1024" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnr2_0z8q-NGlaCH-LCAqkxvZLbyAn4x6kTGqh3bAMpgfHXx5Ja-0TlSUu9O5feXluDg7mEPsM4RVSdxByhnk2IRGxCOPJOnjjdEyDf-qCvK1Kg9EEYmyihRaDtSYu0N226GUWcnj-lA/w247-h168/a-plate-of-syringes-filled-with-a-covid-19-vaccine-dd810f.jpg" width="247" /></a></b></p><p>The government is certain the nothing could possibly go wrong and determined to enforce the inalienable right of all citizens to know how ill they really are and not be fooled by the fact that they don't look or feel ill, which is one of the insidious symptoms of this deadly killer famed for being worse than the Black Death, Spanish Flu, Anthrax, heroin withdrawal and a germ warfare attack all rolled into one.</p><p>Hitt and Miss, owned by the billionaire Nathan Toryparty-Donor, this morning received further good news predicted to snatch the company from the jaws of not having lots of money. It came in the form of the announcement that the government intends to expand its successful Covid testing scheme, which had lots of success since being successfully launched yesterday afternoon, to include hourly testing for 114 0ther infectious diseases.</p><p>This is the new "Test-and-Jab" scheme under which each illness tested for (see list below) has its own vaccine that can be swiftly self-administered using the new "self help" injection kits developed by the heroin industry and supplied by Psychokiller Jabs Inc owned by businessmen Nathan Toryparty-Donor and Boris Hancock-Whitty the famed psychanthropist.</p><p>All the vaccines have been proven safe after three and a half hours of thorough testing plus trials that will continue until 2030 on tens of million of volunteers after which, should they turn out not to have been safe after all, the industry and government will apologise to the survivors.</p><p>The apologies will not however extend to the extreme of allowing victims or their surviving relatives to seek compensation on the grounds that anyone daft enough to trust what the government and pharmaceutical corporations tell them only has himself (or herself) to blame.</p><p>It is expected that this scheme will eradicate all boring traditional illnEsses and replace them with state-of-the-ar,t high-powered vaccine adverse reactions.</p><p>Concerns were raised by Unbelievers that the new rapid-profit test-and-jab system harbours potentially lethal flaws such as the danger that one person could wind up testing positive for everything and receive 119 vaccine shots in as little as a week. Although many in the vaccine industry consider this a Good Thing, these fears were quashed by statistics that show this is a rare occurrence, happening in a mere forty seven percent of cases and only twelve percent of these died whilst the remainder suffered only mild symptoms such as early-onset dementia and strange lumps.</p><p>So the consensus among knowledgeable groups such as SAGE (Subversive Advisory Group on Emergencies) and AOBF (Aging Oligarchs' Benevolent Fund) is that nothing could possibly go wrong and this development is the most beneficial in the history of the human race.</p><p>Here is the list if diseases that the public are required according to the latest mandatory voluntary guidelines and enforceable suggestions to test themselves for</p><ol class="u-2col"><li><p>Swine Flu</p></li><li><p>Bird Flu</p></li><li><p>Armadillo Flu</p></li><li><p>Lemming Flu</p></li><li><p>Stealth Flu</p></li><li><p>Venusian Head Termites</p></li><li><p>Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM)</p></li><li><p>Anaplasmosis</p></li><li><p>Anthrax</p></li><li><p>Babesiosis</p></li><li><p>Botulism</p></li><li><p>Brucellosis</p></li><li><p>Campylobacteriosis</p></li><li><p>Carbapenem-resistant Infection</p></li><li><p>Chancroid</p></li><li><p>Chikungunya Virus Infection (Chikungunya)</p></li><li><p>Chlamydia</p></li><li><p>Ciguatera (Harmful Algae Blooms (HABs))</p></li><li><p>Clostridium Difficile Infection</p></li><li><p>Clostridium Perfringens (Epsilon Toxin)</p></li><li><p>Coccidioidomycosis fungal infection (Valley fever)</p></li><li><p>COVID-19 (Coronavirus Disease 2019)</p></li><li><p>Creutzfeldt-Jacob Disease, transmissible spongiform encephalopathy (CJD)</p></li><li><p>Cryptosporidiosis (Crypto)</p></li><li><p>Cyclosporiasis</p></li><li><p>Dengue, 1,2,3,4 (Dengue Fever)</p></li><li><p>Diphtheria</p></li><li><p>E. coli infection, Shiga toxin-producing (STEC)</p></li><li><p>Eastern Equine Encephalitis (EEE)</p></li><li><p>Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever (Ebola)</p></li><li><p>Ehrlichiosis CDC FAQ's</p></li><li><p>Encephalitis, Arboviral or parainfectious CDC</p></li><li><p>Enterovirus Infection , Non-Polio (Non-Polio Enterovirus) CDC</p></li><li><p>Enterovirus Infection , D68 (EV-D68)</p></li><li><p>Giardiasis (Giardia)</p></li><li><p>Glanders</p></li><li><p>Gonococcal Infection (Gonorrhea)</p></li><li><p>Granuloma inguinale</p></li><li><p>Haemophilus Influenza disease, Type B (Hib or H-flu)</p></li><li><p>Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome (HPS)</p></li><li><p>Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome (HUS)</p></li><li><p>Hepatitis A (Hep A)</p></li><li><p>Hepatitis B (Hep B)</p></li><li><p>Hepatitis C (Hep C)</p></li><li><p>Hepatitis D (Hep D)</p></li><li><p>Hepatitis E (Hep E)</p></li><li><p>Herpes</p></li><li><p>Herpes Zoster, zoster VZV (Shingles)</p></li><li><p>Histoplasmosis infection (Histoplasmosis)</p></li><li><p>Human Immunodeficiency Virus/AIDS (HIV/AIDS)</p></li><li><p>Human Papillomavirus (HPV)</p></li><li><p>Influenza (Flu)</p></li><li><p>Legionellosis (Legionnaires Disease)</p></li><li><p>Leprosy (Hansens Disease)</p></li><li><p>Leptospirosis</p></li><li><p>Listeriosis (Listeria)</p></li><li><p>Lyme Disease</p></li><li><p>Lymphogranuloma venereum infection</p></li><li><p>Malaria</p></li><li><p>Measles</p></li><li><p>Melioidosis</p></li><li><p>Meningitis, Viral (Meningitis, viral)</p></li><li><p>Meningococcal Disease , Bacterial (Meningitis, bacterial) .</p></li><li><p>Middle East Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus (MERS-CoV) .</p></li><li><p>Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children (MIS-C) .</p></li><li><p>Mumps.</p></li><li><p>Norovirus .</p></li><li><p>.Pediculosis (Lice, Head and Body Lice)</p></li><li><p>Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)</p></li><li><p>Pertussis (Whooping Cough)</p></li><li><p>Plague; Bubonic, Septicemic, Pneumonic (Plague</p></li><li><p>Pneumococcal Disease (Pneumonia)</p></li><li><p>Poliomyelitis (Polio)</p></li><li><p>Powassan</p></li><li><p>Psittacosis (Parrot Fever)</p></li><li><p>Pthiriasis (Crabs; Pubic Lice Infestation</p></li><li><p>Pustular Rash diseases (Small pox, monkeypox, cowpox)</p></li><li><p>Q-Fever</p></li><li><p>Rabies</p></li><li><p>Ricin Poisoning</p></li><li><p>Rickettsiosis (Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever)</p></li><li><p>Rubella, Including congenital (German Measles)</p></li><li><p>Salmonellosis gastroenteritis (Salmonella)</p></li><li><p>Scabies Infestation (Scabies)</p></li><li><p>Scombroid</p></li><li><p>Septic Shock (Sepsis)</p></li><li><p>Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS)</p></li><li><p>Shigellosis gastroenteritis (Shigella)</p></li><li><p>Smallpox</p></li><li><p>Staphyloccal Infection , Methicillin-resistant (MRSA)</p></li><li><p>Staphylococcal Food Poisoning, Enterotoxin - B Poisoning (Staph Food Poisoning)</p></li><li><p>Staphylococcal Infection, Vancomycin Intermediate (VISA</p></li><li><p>Staphylococcal Infection, Vancomycin Resistant (VRSA)</p></li><li><p>Streptococcal Disease , Group A (invasive) (Strep A (invasve))</p></li><li><p>Streptococcal Disease, Group B (Strep-B)</p></li><li><p>Streptococcal Toxic-Shock Syndrome, STSS, Toxic Shock (STSS, TSS)</p></li><li><p>Syphilis , primary, secondary, early latent, late latent, congenital</p></li><li><p>Tetanus Infection, tetani (Lock Jaw)</p></li><li><p>Trichonosis Infection (Trichinosis)</p></li><li><p>Tuberculosis (TB) CDC</p></li><li><p>Tuberculosis (Latent) (LTBI)</p></li><li><p>Tularemia (Rabbit fever)</p></li><li><p>Typhoid Fever, Group Ds</p></li><li><p>Typhus</p></li><li><p>Vaginosis , bacterial (Yeast Infection)</p></li><li><p>Vaping-Associated Lung Injury (e-Cigarette Associated Lung Injury)</p></li><li><p>Varicella (Chickenpox)</p></li><li><p>Vibrio cholerae (Cholera)</p></li><li><p>Vibriosis (Vibrio)</p></li><li><p>Viral Hemorrhagic Fever (Ebola, Lassa, Marburg)</p></li><li><p>West Nile Virus</p></li><li><p>Yellow Fever</p></li><li><p>Yersenia (Yersinia)</p></li><li><p>Zika Virus Infection (Zika)</p></li></ol><p>That's enough diseases for now.</p><p><br /></p><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-76178864418390866642021-04-03T00:59:00.008-07:002023-04-02T03:03:29.978-07:00Ye Inquisition Debunketh ye Fake News!<br />by<a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"></a></div><br />The social ill of people insisting on not thinking what they are told to think by politicians and other subversive cults campaigning against the evils of rational thought and thereby threatening politicians and journalists with mental illness is not new. This recently discovered fragment of parchment discovered during the excavation of a mediaeval latrine in Chipping Sodbury shows how the battle against fake news is an ancient one with quite a pedigree.<br /><br />It is quoted here in full:<span><a name='more'></a></span><h2 style="text-align: center;">Ye fake news hath been debunked!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigXwbKKvItG0VULO2XDzMlDqdeR9w71H5qldiYOtIi7oDKiZMnSG6CI2-Bl3nvzUWAvpcyCSb_-xClguKLVv4WQOS-J7ZEghjPKzI9u3GhiSM0BM1E9nvXBNbfJBO5AB0vNYNgeWD8Uw/s460/Galileo+Satan+4.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="231" data-original-width="460" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigXwbKKvItG0VULO2XDzMlDqdeR9w71H5qldiYOtIi7oDKiZMnSG6CI2-Bl3nvzUWAvpcyCSb_-xClguKLVv4WQOS-J7ZEghjPKzI9u3GhiSM0BM1E9nvXBNbfJBO5AB0vNYNgeWD8Uw/s320/Galileo+Satan+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></h2>by Simon de Fibber who writeth veritie thou canst trust (honestlie) in ye Daily Doomsayer<br /><br />Of late there hath been ye scurrilous and vexatious scaremongering that claimeth ye Earth goeth around ye sun!<br /><br />Forsooth this be ye FAKE NEWS put about by such mongers of villainie as ye pathetic reprobate Galileo di Vincenzo Bonaiuti de' Galilei, ye Italian astronomer who revelleth in notorietie, not least because of his unholie obsession with ye Devil's accoutrement known as ye telescope which he useth, he claimeth, to spy upon God in His Heavens.<br /><br />Verily, 'tis all ye evidence one needeth that this doddypol be little more than a fiendish dizzard who hath his black heart set upon ye destruction of ye Christendom we have all come to cherish and which God ordaineth shall endure forevermore and which we will all sadly miss should it ever fail to do the aforesaid enduring<br /><br />To boot, 'tis known that Galileo and his coven of heretics belong to ye Believers in Conspiracie, which be a front group for Satan himself. This group doth propagate LIES through such evil devices as pamphlets and rational arguments.<br /><br />The lies include claims, easily debunked by such measures as ye holy removal of tongues, that ye noble traditions and benign strictures of ye Holy Church (such as ye Inquisition, ye burning of ye women with warts and other wise measures devoted to keeping ye faithful safe - especiallie from such things as being tortured or burned alive), be "nought but total shite".<br /><br />Ye mischievous claims that ye Earth goeth around ye Sun have caught on dangerouslie among ye people who think without permission and other dangerous minorities. This causeth anguish among ye Faithful who prefer the traditional comforts of having the local parish priest tell them what be true.<br /><br />Yet miraculouslie it be easilie debunked for ye . . . er, debunking appeareth in passages expressed most eloquentlie in many works of authoritie, such as ye New Testament, Ye Old Testament, ye original Greek and ye Latin translations of ye Testaments etcetera.<br /><br />Of course, ye Testaments be onlie in ancient Greek and Latin whilst ye plebs and riffraff and much of ye nobilitie have barely mastered English, let alone dead languages so all ye ignoramuses of ye flock will just have to take our word for it that it saith what we say it sayeth.<br /><br />After all, 'tis we experts who understand these Holy Mysteries who are appointed by God to tell you what all ye apparent gibberish really meaneth - a fact proven by ye fact that it saieth so in ye Bible.<br /><br />So let that be an end to ye conspiracie by ye Believers in Conspiracie to bring down Christendom under ye shitstorm of veritie. Ye fake news be debunked right royallie and forevermore so thoroughlie that we can honestlie state that any doubters in ye matter are Satan's minions. What more evidence doth one need?<br /><br />Consequentlie, anyone having an opinion at variance with ye Holie Orthodoxie be possessed by demons most conspiratorial and deserveth what be coming his way courtesie of ye Inquisition and ye Witchfinder Pursuivant who as ye well know have only ye wellbeing of thy immortal soul at heart.<br /><br />And whilst we are on ye subject of ye conspiracie theorist conspiring against righteousness and ye self evident verities, we come to ye matter of ye clodpate Ebenezer Loon ye Druid of Scunthorpe who claimeth against all reason that eating gooseberries be a better remedie for scurvie than ye casting out of demons or leaches in judicious and copious application . . .<br /><br />[The rest of this parchment is illegible have been irrevocably stained by what appears to be human excrement] <div><br /></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-41392851727725893522021-03-23T11:35:00.005-07:002023-04-02T03:04:00.423-07:00A brand new superhero joins the fight against Reality!<div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;">LATEST MOVIE BY SALAZAAR BIM TO BE RELEASED ON BRAINFLIX THIS EASTER</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;">by</span><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" style="font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;" target="_blank"> Steve Cook</a></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /><span style="color: #333f49; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Legendary Bulgarian film maker Salazaar Bim (</span><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/2020/08/the-davinci-covid.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #00aae1; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The DaVinci Covid</span></a><span style="color: #333f49; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/2020/01/reality-is-fake-new-tv-series-reminds.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #00aae1; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Mediatrix,</span></a><span style="color: #333f49; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/2020/01/from-director-who-lost-his-angst-man.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #00aae1; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Man Who Lost His Sandwich</span></a><span style="color: #333f49; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">) has just completed production of his latest blockbuster, a film loosely based on the Drivel Comics “masked villain/superhero” theme.<span style="font-weight: 700;"><a name='more'></a></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="color: #212121; font-family: times; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Drivel (recently taken over by Johnson and Hancock’s Lie Factory Productions, motto: “why bother when you can fib?”) plan to release the move next month under an exclusive deal with Brainflix, the straight-to-your-brain subliminal implant app that allows you to bypass consciousness and watch movies in your sleep.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The film’s hero, played by Rick Moranis, is just a normal average citizen who even seems fairly intelligent much of the time but he becomes genetically altered after being bitten by a media-borne virus. Thereafter, when frightened by a sudden government briefing, he is dramatically transformed into the superhero, The Masked Sheep.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Masked Sheep fights a lone but terrifying crusade against common sense and other enemies of humanitarian charities such Help an Aged Oligarch. He is aided by various powers including the power to believe everything Matt Hancock says no matter how daft, the power to sacrifice all of his human rights without blinking, the power to watch a briefing by the PM without punching the TV and the power to function without the need of an IQ.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His most powerful . . . er, power, however, is his power to cause villains to lose the will to resist just by being in his vicinity, although unfortunately he has the same effect on everybody else as well.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Masked Sheep has a sidekick in his ongoing war on Reality. Known as Mop Head, this is a character who after a cloning accident becomes a normal run-of-the-mill muppet posing as a Prime Minister by day, then transforms into an even bigger muppet upon contact with Bill and Melinda Gates, any behavioural psychologist or similar poisonous biochemical agent</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span><br /><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Masked Sheep, thanks to the miraculous yet pointless technology of Brainflix, will be visiting you in your sleep from this coming Easter.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So try to stay awake if you can.</span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.56; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="color: #212121; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><div style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; white-space: normal;"><div style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></i></span></span></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-81825258959579549662021-03-15T08:29:00.007-07:002023-04-02T03:04:17.537-07:00 Scientists discover the UK government is brilliant<p><span><b>G<span style="font-family: times;">ang of Loons not demented, shock</span></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">b</a><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">y Steve Cook</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"></a></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">A jubilant Boris Johnson posting on his official Facebook page, "BJ Fawning Sycophants", today sent the world reeling and gasping with indifference when he announced the discovery by scientists that he and his government, affectionately known by the British people and other dissident movements as "The Gang of Loons", are really brilliant and not at all demented after all.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK6xiQHe_E3sFdhyzXcCA6bRy27cbFgaw2tmeBwdYREYqYtpn-LsrUrN2SmOaxr5Aiq15taMF5cxArjQquJvhyphenhyphenIMJ_Ub4k9iRAcHQP8UkIyIHYtJJenOE7cb5bTf3iCdpn9KwT26g2eA/w200-h200/Forest+Social+Template+%252830%2529.png" width="200" /></span><br />The discovery surprised most people and shook the very foundations of scientific thought in that it had been the commonly held belief that Johnson, Hancock and Co were escaped mental patients - a suspicion evinced by, among other things, the fact that they spend their days surrounded by psychiatrists and psychologists.<br /><br />These shock discoveries were made by secret government scientists whose identities, qualifications and evidence must remain secret for security reasons but who work for equally secret advisory committees attached to SAGE, such as the Government Organisation for Better Secrecy in Handling Information, Thought and Education (GOBSHITE) and the Special Health and Freedom Taskforce Elite Directorate (SHAFTED) leaving no truth unturned in the search for science the length and breadth of the Cabinet Office.<br /><br />The aforementioned gang of loons are believed to be more smug than usual at this latest boost to their flagging War on Reality. An animated Prime Minister, famous the length and breadth of the planet for his wild hair and unkempt integrity told a hushed and largely servile press corpse (the so-called "Nodding Donkeys") this morning that,<br /><br />"The science is now settled in the best traditions of science laid down in the Middle Ages by such scientific luminaries as Torquemada and Pope Maniac IV. We owe our sincere thanks to the secret science of the best and most secret scientists money can buy and similar imaginary friends on whose word I have being hanging these past months as a far more workable alternative to rational thought, which, government psychiatrists tell me, I am not very good at and which is not all it is cracked up to be in any case. Trust me, these people know what they are talking about, although their science is too brainy for thickos like the British people to deal with - after all I have been informed that millions of people did not even go to Eton! Anyway, it is now proven beyond reasonable thought that I am not the feckless con man I appear to be and neither is my esteemed colleague, Hatt Mancock as rubbish as he looks. This is a great day for Britain - well, for me anyway, which amounts to the same thing."<br /><br />Detractors, however, were quick to point out that these conclusions, like almost everything else the government says and does, fly in the face of observable reality.<br /><br />However, the mathematician, Professor Fergie McDunce was able to do complex top secret sums that predict that a wave of sheer brilliance emanating from its Downing Street Epicentre will poleaxe the entire country in a timely intervention just before life becomes worth living again.<br /><br />And the Chief Medical Officer was quick to dismiss the detractors as a few million conspiracy theorists with the irrefutable argument that,<br /><br /><blockquote>" The secret evidence proves that the detractors are just a few million conspiracy theorists conspiring against the government's inalienable right to enrich its pals."</blockquote><br />Johnson meanwhile responded with:<br /><br /><blockquote>"The problem with evidence is that you can use it to prove anything, especially the truth and it is my job to keep the nation safe from the spread of such viruses at all costs, no matter what the sacrifices required, especially yours."</blockquote></span><div><span style="font-family: times;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-18480442772212667762021-03-11T05:00:00.010-08:002023-03-31T09:49:48.967-07:00Hollywood script writers' coup, UK government falls<h3 style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;">S</span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: small;">ciency movie scripts shape national policy</span></span></span></h3><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span>by </span><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span><a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" target="_blank"><br /></a></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Researchers may have discovered the answer as to why many Brits are suffering from what psychiatrists are calling "Disney Syndrome", which is the sensation that reality has been replaced by a badly stitched together, implausible movie script. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">The answer came recently in the form of recent shock revelations that shockingly revealed the recent shock news that the movie "Contagion" <a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">inspired the government's rollout </a>of what is now known as the "Covid Terror", at one time believed to have been similar to an actual pandemic. <span><a name='more'></a></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHul7qRnr1GexebClWYA2lRyq7tT1F4t6OVmh-TsMq2yw_Nb1qoVxP1HEI8XZucApm0jewpvm86PJHngqffQqKZWOjWv8-B3KOhq8W6gtDj26ctLP1n3P4wK6VLuRNNDXnOdQrTXwwAA/s650/274887729.gallery.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="520" data-original-width="650" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHul7qRnr1GexebClWYA2lRyq7tT1F4t6OVmh-TsMq2yw_Nb1qoVxP1HEI8XZucApm0jewpvm86PJHngqffQqKZWOjWv8-B3KOhq8W6gtDj26ctLP1n3P4wK6VLuRNNDXnOdQrTXwwAA/w200-h160/274887729.gallery.jpg" width="200" /></a>Whilst government policy appeared to many to have been influenced by such British Comedy classics as "Carry on up yer Virus" and Monty Python's "Life of Boris", it now appears that the true influence was the much more serious "Contagion", a movie with fewer laughs than . . .well, a deadly virus outbreak.</span><span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">This closely guarded secret was, as you know, let slip by Matt Hancock whilst entertaining a live TV audience with a hilarious impression of a government Minister during his acceptance speech at the recent "Fibber of the Year" Awards. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">It completely scuppered the PM's assertion that the government is being guided by a mysterious anonymous cult known as "The Secret Order of Lucifer the Scientist" a group that pays homage to such great luciferian scientific advances as the atom bomb, napalm, thalidomide, ECT and biological weapons.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">Yet, as the PM was quick to point out, the movie Contagion is in fact fairly sciency, although most of its science is made up, which is just one of its advantages.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">We can further reveal that the pursuant mass injection of millions of innocent bystanders with experimental "doomsday" chemicals in an effort to reach the much sought after "herd mentality", was also inspired by another Hollywood blockbuster, the 2007 classic "I am Legend" starring Will Smith.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">But even though that's more than enough shock revelations for one day, we can further reveal further shock revelations that will have you reeling with . . . er, shock. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">While it was widely believed by the citizenry and other conspiracy theorists that the government, having lost the capacity for rational thought during the War on Common Sense, was allowing globalist psychopaths to do its thinking for it, we can now reveal that this is not the case.
The government is in fact taking all its instructions from the entertainment industry despite its attempts to appear stupid by its own efforts alone. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;">This has provoked a further mystery as to why, if that is the case, nothing it does is at all entertaining. But as Hatt Mancock of the Ministry for hysteria explained during a break from filming "The Muppet Coup":</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: times;"><blockquote>". . . the cat is now well and truly out of the bag regarding the "Hollywood Coup" so we can reveal that the government has phased in the use of various "cinematic aids" as part of our huge economy drive to save wasting taxpayers' money on anything sensible."</blockquote></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /><span>Included in this new initiative are the following to replace outmoded training and education procedures:</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Training of Military Personnel:</b> the traditional methods of shouting, shooting guns and so forth are to be replaced by the requirement that trainees watch Saving Private Ryan and then sit a written multiple-choice test. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Training of Surgeons:</b> trainees to watch the full first season of Scrubs before being let loose on live patients (NHS). </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Training of Police Officers:</b> trainees to sit through twenty randomly selected episodes of the Netflix crime drama "Line of Duty". </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Driving Licences:</b> pointless driving tests have been scrapped by the Ministry of Transport. Licences will now be issued by the DVLA after the applicant has watched videos of four events from the previous year's World Rally Championship - however, many have objected to this on the grounds that it breaks with the long tradition of the government relying on pure fiction. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Training of Airline Pilots</b>: must watch Top Gun whilst sitting in a flight simulator </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><b>Government ministers:</b> to qualify must have watched all four episodes of Secret State starring Gabriel Byrne. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span><b>The Church of England</b> has now taken a leaf out of the government's book by requiring its ecclesiastical trainees to watch The Exorcist</span><span>.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daly-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-524368623670322332021-01-24T07:11:00.001-08:002023-03-31T09:57:28.265-07:00 Scientists have discovered that vaccines are Brilliant<p><span face=""Segoe UI", SegoeUI, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0a0c17; font-weight: 700;"><span style="font-family: times;">And we are not even lying this time!</span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="paddingWrapper hideOnFullVideo" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0a0c17;"><div class="message canmark" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em;"><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><span style="font-family: times;">(</span></span><i style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">This is the first article by our new columnist, Dave Trewth PHd. </span></i><i style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Dave is a professor of Applied Reverse Psychology at the University of Bunkum.)</span></i></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: initial; box-sizing: border-box;"><b>Scientists have discovered that Vaccines are Brilliant! </b></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">I am very happy to report that scientists throughout the Eugenics industry have proven conclusively in thousands of press releases and other works of science fiction that the new, totally cool and not always harmful Pfizer and Moderna experimental biochemical agents are a "BOON TO MANKIND". <span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">If, that is, by "mankind" you mean the top 1% of the "people" (or aliens) living on this or a similar planet (or prison world) and by "top" you mean "incredibly rich" or having other attributes that set them apart from the rest of the plebs and hoipoloi, such as extremely generous bank balances and highly creative sexual practices.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiob4kjG5s461MKbZBIqKaccgKEKagAtG_SOlXP3Gty-R044I0zStd63Yz40TXSCzdQ3FkKLIwzLUiK3yzw3P15DF5iaHFnQ0fuPEKARfbnTHhINygalpQxU5oyHxEEjci1GKv_CkY9pg/s2048/dAVE+TREWTH.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiob4kjG5s461MKbZBIqKaccgKEKagAtG_SOlXP3Gty-R044I0zStd63Yz40TXSCzdQ3FkKLIwzLUiK3yzw3P15DF5iaHFnQ0fuPEKARfbnTHhINygalpQxU5oyHxEEjci1GKv_CkY9pg/w254-h254/dAVE+TREWTH.png" width="254" /></a></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Having cast aside ancient and outmoded genetically inferior traits that get in the way of helping humanity (if by "help" you mean "putting out of its misery") such as a conscience, the ability not to kill people and so forth, the planet's very best people have been able to decide what is best for everybody else. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">By a remarkable and unexpected coincidence this involves a slight, mainly cosmetic, culling of the population (except the rich) to more sustainable levels. Sustainable levels are, given that the planet is a mess due to being unavoidably mis-managed by escaped geriatric mental patients, down to a mere 10 million people unfortunately (roughly 10 000 Top People with a thousand henchmen and slaves each) all able to squeeze into a luxury concentration camp on the Isle of Wight. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">The benefits of culling, to which the Eugenics Industry has been selflessly dedicated for many years, are manifold. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">They are discussed in such learned journals as <a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/p/blog-page_24.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4ac6f9; outline: 0px;" target="_blank">Genocide Weekly</a> and the <a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/p/blog-page_24.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4ac6f9; outline: 0px;" target="_blank">Washington Fibber </a>but boil down to such simple boons as there being fewer people breathing the air. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Fewer People breathing the air is Good Thing for the Environment because people breathe out CO2 which, as you know, is a greenhouse gas and this is bad for everything (except plants)! </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Other benefits include: </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">* fewer riffraff, hoi poli and plebs who, let's face it, can be really annoying. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">* shorter queues at Harrods </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;"> * and . . er, well there are actually too many further benefits to mention so I won't mention them. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;"> Anyway, I really must congratulate Boris, Hancock and their fellow agents for their sterling work in persuading four million people in Britain to submit to the (Lol) vaccine. and this is despite going on TV and looking quite clearly mental and/or shifty! </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">I interjected a "Lol" not because there is anything sinister going on here - far from it! No, it is because everybody knows that the use of the term "vaccine" to describe these "harmless" biochemical agents that will do a few nothing-at-all-to-worry-about edits of the human genetic code is a joke and not to be taken seriously, although unfortunately, it has been by millions of Brits who have no sense of humour. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Be that as it may, the benefits are many of the brilliant chemicals so helpfully knocked up over many minutes of painstaking doctoring by researchers such as Messrs Hilter and Mengele and other friends in the Eugenics Industry. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">They have capped this brilliance by dedicatedly getting those chemicals into as many people as possible before people who don't want to get sick or die and similar troublemakers hold things up by asking ridiculous questions such as "Is it safe?" </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">As speed has been of the essence, a great deal of time was cleverly saved by surgically removing pointless delays such as stopping to see if the vaccines leave people with minor comas, lumps and so forth or kill anybody or they even really help with Death, which as you know, is a long-standing national problem that has become an even bigger problem since the current government came to power and kindly installed a dictatorship for our own good. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Those many benefits (which are many, quite numerous and several|) include, as I mentioned, reducing the population to more sensible levels and perhaps in time levels even more sensible than that! </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Then there is the so-called "murdering" the elderly, many of whom would have died already had they had a decent brittle bone in their body. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">Besides, the term "murder" is quite ambiguous and can mean to, say, a lawyer or police officer or member of the public something quite different to the way I use it here! </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;"> Killing off the elderly is not murder in that it solves many problems such as being stuck behind slow-moving trollies in Tesco, slow moving Morris Minors on the M25 (or Tesco car park) and the constant reminder that that will be us one day if we are lucky enough to survive the vaccines. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">The greatest benefit of course is the millions that will be saved on pensions at a time when too many plebs are refusing to do their duty to the nation and pop their clogs in a timely and patriotic manner. </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;">That's enough benefits for now. If you are still alive next week, check out my next article: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">"Will we develop a herd immunity to government? Or will we need another brilliant and not at all harmful vaccine?"</span> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">Related Article:</span> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://www.daily-scare.com/p/blog-page_24.html" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4ac6f9; outline: 0px;" target="_blank">Scientists have shown that humans evolved over millions of years into needing drugs and vaccines to stay alive!"</a> </span></p><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daly-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-35253647088140897952020-12-20T08:13:00.002-08:002023-04-02T03:05:08.375-07:00 Dandruff: the Horror Exposed!<b>Horrific news more horrifying than the previous horror, everybody horrified.</b><div><br /></div><div>by <a href="http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.steve-cook.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGg35Si6a4ilM-abcybWCnqXiuHTA">Steve Cook</a><br /><br />Shock news just in is that scientists have discovered that a new mutation of the terrifyingly horrific media-borne Convid virus is on the loose.<br /><br />Secret scientists working secretly for the government have discovered that they are worried that the Convid virus might have conveniently yet at the same time horrifyingly mutated yet again!<span><a name='more'></a></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsTtxUslKTDHMpccfuJNvuCxEG7frq27AnzJWrhNxHHzpaWxznVW-hnPgoSLSj71_Xp-g78U74CMeJI72KUwYgqs82buBEERfeNoQXHBpr4Vqg16ssKMB8xqrySE3-Mw-2J55-S5MokgWqzj3UZVvHH3PZLiRB-HhJ7Z-w5gp52v8yG-7TK5mnnA/s320/dandruff.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="268" data-original-width="320" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsTtxUslKTDHMpccfuJNvuCxEG7frq27AnzJWrhNxHHzpaWxznVW-hnPgoSLSj71_Xp-g78U74CMeJI72KUwYgqs82buBEERfeNoQXHBpr4Vqg16ssKMB8xqrySE3-Mw-2J55-S5MokgWqzj3UZVvHH3PZLiRB-HhJ7Z-w5gp52v8yG-7TK5mnnA/w220-h184/dandruff.png" width="220" /></a></div>That makes it twice in the same week and three hundred and ninety-seven times since the Convid crisis began 112 years ago.<br /><br />The identities of the secret scientists and the top secret notes on the back of an envelope that provide conclusively theoretical evidence that their fears might prove founded if evidence emerges to suggest they might not have been making it up are currently covered by the Official Secrets Act (Clause 1249.8B "Making Sh*t Up).<br /><br />But it is well known by Borifice Johnson and other messianic figures who have risen to become legends in their own minds that the suspicion (or rumour) that something might (or not) be happening is sufficient grounds for scientifically:<br /><br />(a) alleging that science might be involved<br /><br />(b) destroying the careers and reputations of scientists who unscientifically allege that science isn't involved<br /><br />(c) scaring the crap out of Sid and Doris Loon of Sidcup and all three of the other surviving members of the Convid Death Cult.<br /><br />(d) kicking the country while it's down<br /><br />The new mutation is a new, as yet unadvertised version of the Convid virus, which is renowned throughout the Sage Committee, Parliament, Fleet Street and other high crime areas for smashing into the country with an epidemic of no symptoms. This is the worst kind of epidemic because it afflicts people who don't know they are ill.<br /><br />Per reports, Convid has laid low entire swathes of the populace with a slight (or more devastatingly moderate) cold and has now terrorisingly transformed into something even more horrifying than the last mutation (Athlete's Foot) or the mutations before that (Elbow Warts and Bum Rash respectively).<br /><br />The new mutation is known as "Dandruff " or HASDO20 (Head and Shoulders DisOrder 2020) which is tipped to win the MPPA (Most Popular Pandemic Award) for the coming year.<br /><br />Described by experts as, "just like the Black Death only more dandruff-y and less death-y", it is sinisterl-y identical to traditional dandruff except described as a "threat" or "horrific " or even an "outbreak". This never happened to ordinary, innocent and slightly less fatal dandruff, which just goes to prove how much of a . . . er, threat this . . . er, outbreak is.<br /><br />This new dandruff is marked by frightening symptoms known collectively as "Dandruff but a lot Worse".<br /><br />It is highly infectious and spreads at speeds in excess of 30 miles per hour and this breaks the speed limit in many urban areas. It is believed that it may have broken the VLSR (Viral Land Speed Record) and registers very high on the CIR scale (Credulity Infection Rate).<br /><br />This is per statistics compiled using the PCR test, which is the main diagnostic tool for detecting infection and its rate of spread although some purists cite the technicality that the fact that the PCR cannot actually detect a virus may have compromised the accuracy of the results by as much as 99.99% or more.<br /><br />But as Jane Gaffsmother of the Ministry of Hysteria pointed out, "When it comes to public's health and well being, we can live with those odds."<br /><br />The WHO (World Head Organisation) and other pharmaceutical advertising initiatives have waded in with some backup scares, pointing out that an examination of 1000 corpses of people all over the world who died last week of Natural Causes and similar horrific epidemics showed that over 29% exhibited signs of mild to advanced Dandruff.<br /><br />These "Dandruff Deaths" are thought to be the first proof that a Killer Dandruff epidemic is cutting down innocent great grandparents as young as 84 the world over (especially London).<br /><br />Having just invented a vaccine for the killer Athletes Foot Epidemic that spread carnage across the world yesterday, scientists have rushed to produce a dandruff vaccine.<br /><br />The pharmaceutical giant Killerpotions Inc, believed to have had people working through the night with flyers, press releases and chemistry sets, were as of this morning the first to announce they have miraculously discovered a dandruff vaccine.<br /><br />Named Sterilothon, the new vaccine, which comprises Badger Sweat, dead fecal matter and Head and Shoulders Shampoo, is the first of a new range of vaccines known as DKE (Doesn't Kill Everybody) vaccines declared by the manufacturer and other impartial scientific watchdogs such as the Gill Bates Foundation as proven completely safe and not at all sinister. This came after more than half an hour of stringent safety testing.<br /><br />The tests, carried out on a sample of 10 million people, proved conclusively that Sterilothon only killed a small percentage (under 98%!) of them after the test labs had carefully screened out subjects likely to die from being injected with lethal substances.<br /><br />Sterilothon will be available from tomorrow for everybody game enough to risk taking it at a cost of only a hundred million pounds to the tax payer.<br /><br />The Treasury was quick to clarify that this is not a hundred million pounds per shot as was first feared but a much more tolerable hundred million pounds per tax payer. As each tax payer will need one shot per month for life or the next ten years (whichever is the longer) this is considered by the manufacturer to be quite cost effective.<br /><br />The Health Secretary, Matt Crocodile, pointed out this morning in a briefing known as "I am really not lying much this time, honest" that Sterilothon is a,<br /><blockquote>"total bargain too good to miss!"</blockquote>Speaking through tears of joy, Crocodile went on to say:<br /><br /><blockquote>"The British public should rejoice that the new vaccine is almost as cheap as yesterday's Athletes Foot vaccine despite being identical apart from having more dead fecal matter in it."</blockquote><p> </p><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div><section class="yaqOZd" id="h.2f3b1532a14da269_13" style="background-size: cover; box-sizing: border-box; display: table; padding-bottom: 1.5rem; padding-top: 1.5rem; position: relative; table-layout: fixed; width: 1357px;"><div class="mYVXT" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: table-cell; vertical-align: middle; width: 1357px;"><div class="LS81yb VICjCf" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 1280px; outline: 0px; padding-left: 48px; padding-right: 48px; width: 1280px;" tabindex="-1"><div class="hJDwNd-AhqUyc-uQSCkd purZT-AhqUyc-II5mzb pSzOP-AhqUyc-qWD73c JNdkSc" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top; width: 1184px;"><div class="JNdkSc-SmKAyb" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-left: 14.7969px; padding-right: 14.7969px;"><div jsaction="zXBUYb:zTPCnb;zQF9Uc:Qxe3nd;" jscontroller="sGwD4d" jsname="F57UId" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="oKdM2c Kzv0Me" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 1280px; width: 1154.41px;"><div class="hJDwNd-AhqUyc-uQSCkd jXK9ad D2fZ2 OjCsFc wHaque GNzUNc" id="h.2f3b1532a14da269_10" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top; width: 1154.41px;"><div class="jXK9ad-SmKAyb" style="box-sizing: border-box; width: 1154.41px;"><div class="tyJCtd mGzaTb baZpAe" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 8px; position: relative; width: 1154.41px;"><p class="CDt4Ke zfr3Q" dir="ltr" style="border-color: initial; border-style: none; border-width: initial; box-sizing: border-box; color: #212121; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 1.3333; margin: -8pt 22pt; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 14.6667px;" /></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></section></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-34711399363874940052020-12-13T09:02:00.005-08:002023-04-02T03:05:23.069-07:00COVID19 spreads to soft drinks, shock!<h3 style="text-align: left;">Government left with no choice but to do something demented.<br /></h3><p>by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Steve Cook</a></p><p>The terrifying media-borne virus known as CON19, which has struck down millions of people the world over with terrifyingly undetectable symptoms frighteningly similar to being not at all ill, has now spread to soft drinks!<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjanU_CjCxSMYCwVNx6aFnQj_eXIhq-8_A3FMXd1T3WdMdJQ3-3ywNYCvXrsvP9Y2Tmy1ESNJarW-k98G0r-j6km7yFBS-88DdHjOPcf23MyCT6YFYckdmMvGbwgn4ErgESNeG6CDXgD6SVex0nBa2Ivp4Gqgr0zJ7t6nLp9AQoAyC8qCHuGDpXCw/s285/softdrinks.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="285" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjanU_CjCxSMYCwVNx6aFnQj_eXIhq-8_A3FMXd1T3WdMdJQ3-3ywNYCvXrsvP9Y2Tmy1ESNJarW-k98G0r-j6km7yFBS-88DdHjOPcf23MyCT6YFYckdmMvGbwgn4ErgESNeG6CDXgD6SVex0nBa2Ivp4Gqgr0zJ7t6nLp9AQoAyC8qCHuGDpXCw/s1600/softdrinks.jpg" width="285" /></a></div>This is according to a report from the Austrian parliament, which like our own is clinging to life support<br /> and helpful transfusions of instructions from global oligarchs and other benevolent psychopaths.<p></p><p>The shocking news left the world reeling in . . . er, shock after an Austrian politician revealed how a can of coke tested positive for CON19 using the famous PCR test which is now known to be accurate to almost one percent or less! (see <a href="https://www.bitchute.com/video/9QYgqYLziTCH/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">this video </a></p><p>When told about this latest setback in the so-called War Against a Bit of a Cough that has seen millions of people annoyed for their own good by their government, the Health Secretary, Matt Crocodile, broke down and wept openly with incredible sincerity on TV! <a href="https://uk.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;_ylt=AwrJ6tWILNZfQjMA7exNBQx.?p=matt+hancock+weeps&fr=mcafee&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Ai%2Cm%3Apivot#id=4&vid=9caea19a430bc0470cf714c2dd949b45&action=view" rel="noopener" target="_blank">(see video here</a>)</p><p>In so doing, he helpfully brought about a nausea epidemic that took everyone's mind off of the destruction of their country by an average illness. </p><p>Crocodile, who suffers from a congenital disability that makes his weeping look like an effort not to laugh, then announced tough measures to halt the spread of the killer epidemic to Pepsi Cola and even highly vulnerable beverages such as orange juice.</p><p>He explained that the new outbreak has left the government with no choice but to urgently install a dictatorship and tell everyone to go to their room and not come out until teatime or the introduction of a population-culling vaccine, whichever is the later.</p><p>Crocodile explained how the vaccine, which can be injected into any soft drink even without the victim's knowledge, will help save the NHS, eventually.</p><p>He further explained it will accomplish this difficult but popular task by reducing the population of the UK to roughly that of Leamington Spa and thus slashing the numbers of sick and old people who are, let's face it, a completely useless burden on the state.</p><p>These measures will be accompanied by compulsory voluntary guidelines contained in a new White Paper entitled, "Defying Common Sense" requesting owners of cans of Coca Cola to voluntarily self isolate in accordance with their democratic right to avoid punishment. There will also be stiff fines of £20,000 for anyone caught within two metres of a soft drink.</p><p>Pubs will be ordered to only sell alcohol even when actually open (Tuesday afternoon).</p><p>The tough new measures, designed to nip this latest horror in the bud before anyone has time to think, will be introduced at the strategically opportune moment (such as just when people start getting cocky).</p><p>Secret scientists (Sid Bonkers and Professor Patrick O'Charlatan) at secret meetings classified Top Secret by the Official Secrets Act have now established a strong link between Coca Cola and Covid-related deaths.</p><p>A Covid-related death is scientifically defined as any death where the word "COVID" was mentioned within fifty yards of the deceased before or after their death or, failing that, where the deceased has a cough at any time during their life.</p><p>Of a thousand recent deaths studied it was found that 812 had been in contact with a PCR test - the world's foremost source of fake infection -within six months prior to their demise.</p><p>Of those 812 Covid cases, 803 were known, according to the Covid-related testimony of surviving relatives, to have drunk Coca Cola at some time or another.</p><p>Ministers are considering a complete ban on everything but gin or real Coke, which are both known to be immune.</p><p><br /></p><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8182525895957954966" itemprop="description articleBody" style="font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 537px;"><div style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-34152062084249900502020-12-08T23:40:00.006-08:002023-04-02T03:05:38.408-07:00Scientists have discovered COVID19 causes brain damage!<b><span style="font-family: times;"> GOVERNMENT TO BE QUARANTINED - NATION REJOICES</span></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: times;">by <a href="http://www.steve-cook.com/">Steve Cook</a></span><div><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Scientists leading drive to push back the boundaries of common sense and discover new and improved ways to make people wet themselves have made an unexpected discovery.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">It has now been established beyond reasonable thought that COVID19 causes brain damage in Ministers, members of Parliament and other people with a weakened personality.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuC1D3IufFUm5spzM1tOmOPz8Z5-KHHQAbcZhXtXGaj-LKiuZ1D8SLMGT8_OKA-9gIMd00gxeo8IOEEiiuByfgGhcP9XHIkK8J1ko20m2JUvevucgUy3JDwf6Q4V6Yv2tJarGFCqSaPycQScgyPNsYY0vaRTtCkOemAz28M29akx_i5vz4pPnm0g/s257/brain%20damage.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="257" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuC1D3IufFUm5spzM1tOmOPz8Z5-KHHQAbcZhXtXGaj-LKiuZ1D8SLMGT8_OKA-9gIMd00gxeo8IOEEiiuByfgGhcP9XHIkK8J1ko20m2JUvevucgUy3JDwf6Q4V6Yv2tJarGFCqSaPycQScgyPNsYY0vaRTtCkOemAz28M29akx_i5vz4pPnm0g/s1600/brain%20damage.jpg" width="257" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">Worse than this is the revelation that, although COVID19 is known to be dangerous for people over 85 and other trouble makers, the brain damage threat appears to strike government ministers with a mental age as low as 12.</span><p></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Symptoms of the infection have crossed the brain/integrity barrier include the following:</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* An obsession with protecting people who are not in any danger.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* A shaky grip on reality causing a general weakening and/or yellowing of the backbone.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Loss of chin.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Forking of the tongue.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Sufferer becomes disorientated and confused as to what planet he is living on and/or what century he is living in.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Hair (and libido) becomes unmanageable.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Speeches become incoherent</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Inability to answer a straight question</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">* Sufferer develops the dead eyes of a shark.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">In order to stop the spread of the virus to any more brains, the government is to act on the best medical advice from millions of doctors, nurses, shop keepers, publicans, bus drivers, plumbers, housewives and other experts, and submit to a full quarantine of no less than five years.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333f49; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: times;">Shockwaves of relief are reported to have reverberated across the nation at the news.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8100826139227566814.post-58050680450263120562020-12-08T23:35:00.008-08:002023-04-02T03:06:02.041-07:00Pfizer "just like Jesus" says UK Health Sec<h3 style="text-align: left;"> Tests show miracle vax 100% safe for those who don't take it.</h3><p>by<a href="https://www.blogger.com/#"> Steve Cook</a> </p><div>The UK Health Secretary, Matt Crocodile, today declared that the pharmaceutical company Pfizer is "just like Jesus". <span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgE3pUudFXzNeDhB1mmct38Ca_Mh7Hu50L7iPXbHdnRpMAok9IKumKy7Ya3oPdf42-NQFiUMUSQjVMK_YUVWqBj_fV9BmKnRZ_OdeCwnjS5vqGW_LZohKn4KHCUTg1FMGSlsTO9IZDBQ/s291/130713337_442447096885258_5882393097538468830_n.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="173" data-original-width="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgE3pUudFXzNeDhB1mmct38Ca_Mh7Hu50L7iPXbHdnRpMAok9IKumKy7Ya3oPdf42-NQFiUMUSQjVMK_YUVWqBj_fV9BmKnRZ_OdeCwnjS5vqGW_LZohKn4KHCUTg1FMGSlsTO9IZDBQ/s0/130713337_442447096885258_5882393097538468830_n.jpg" /></a></div>Speaking to a hushed and largely servile House of Commons, he broke down and openly wept tears of joy at how Pfizer's scientists, after minutes of extensive research in which every stone was left unturned in the search for a magic potion that would solve all the government's problems, had achieved,</div><div><br /></div><div>"a genuine miracle on a par with turning the Dead Sea into a basket of loaves and fishes like what it says in the Bible".</div><div><br /></div><div>The suddenly deeply spiritual Crocodile said through his tears that this is probably the greatest turning point in history on a par with the Second Coming of the Messiah - or even better - that will "undoubtedly prove the salvation of what is left of the human race". </div><div><br /></div><div>He went on to detail how enlightened beings with huge brains, suffused with a love of humanity had laboured through the night (last Tuesday) to produce a magic elixir conjured . . . um, miraculously, from dead fecal matter and antifreeze that will:
<ul>
<li> Spare people everywhere from having to listen to the government endlessly banging on about a fake pandemic whilst installing a dictatorship that will instruct everybody to be safe, or else - which, let's face it, has gotten quite annoying.</li>
<li>Miraculously boost the well being and longevity of pharmaceutical interests across the world and similar planets.</li>
<li>Not kill everybody and - who knows? - maybe just a small minority of people who were, according to scientists, destined to die eventually anyway.</li>
</ul>
Crocodile explained how the aforementioned night-long research and the exploration of thousand of press releases have established beyond reasonable thought that the new vax is completely harmless apart from its side effects and proven not to kill any known Coronavirus. </div><div><br /></div><div>And he added:
<blockquote>"And just to sweep any doubters under the carpet , this has nothing to do with any so-called plans to cull the population and you can trust me on that."</blockquote>
When challenged later over the issue of the vaccine not being as safe as he says it is by the small margin of a bazillion miles, he was able to expertly lay such conspiracy theories to rest in a statement backed by science that said, </div><div></div><blockquote><div> "To thoroughly lay to rest people who have used evidence and other tricks to make allegations that the vaccine is probably lethal, we can tell the British people emphatically and scientifically that, oh no it probably isn't, and trust that will be an end to the matter." </div></blockquote><div></div><div>On the safety issue, Mr Crocodile was later forced by scientists, sensible people and other conspiracy theorists to slightly amend his claim that,</div><div><blockquote>"The vax is proven completely safe with no dangers or downsides whatsoever."</blockquote>
to:
<blockquote>"On the matter of ensuring your complete safety, it is probably better not to take it, especially if you are ill or likely to become ill at some time in the future."</blockquote>
Reports are now coming in that the Pfizer laboratories deep under the Mountains of Avarice are to become a place of pilgrimage on a par with Lourdes (except with drugs). </div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, we can disclose that the Church of England has been instructed by the Higher Powers at Suppression Central to nominate the CEO of Pfizer for sainthood. </div><div><br /></div><div>Henceforth, the Pfizer chief exec, John Pull Woolover will be known as Saint Vax of Pharmacopia.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com" target="_blank"><i>Back to Front Page</i></a></span></div><div><a href="http://www.daily-scare.com/p/articles.html" target="_blank"><i>Full list of articles</i></a></div></div>Steve Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16830558752055395554noreply@blogger.com